Washington DC. After being released on bail earlier this morning, Congress is holding an emergency session to review the legal status of the chemical GHB, or gamma-hydroxybutyrate. GHB was earlier used as a general anesthetic, sleep aid and aid to body-building, but has picked up a reputation as Liquid Ecstasy and a date rape drug in the past few years, leading to its FDA ban in 1990 and its federal assignment to Schedule I in 2000. It is currently illegal to possess, sell or buy GHB in the United States, and its Schedule I designation brands it as a drug without medical use and with a high potential for abuse. Its medical use in Europe continues.

It is also the chemical responsible for the arrest of nearly 80% of the American population over the past few days. GHB is also a normal component of the human metabolism. Although concentrated in the kidneys, heart, skeletal muscles and brown fat tissues, GHB may be found in every cell in the body. This medical fact was recently communicated to a DEA official. Realizing all human beings are in illegal possession of GHB, and not wishing to look soft in the War on Some Drugs, the DEA soon organized the mass arrest of all agents. After a quick bail hearing, the DEA moved onto all governmental officials and then any citizens they could find. The President has refused comment after being released on his own recognizance, although a spokesman has promised a quick signing of any legislative relief bills presented by Congress.

Taken directly from the AP Wire. Not.

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