After Mini-Milks, Screwballs, Funny Feet and so on came Cornettos (and King Cones too, Lyons Maid's answer to them - had a slightly funkier advert). The future of ice-cream, the designer chic of frozen confectionery arrived with Cornettos.
A Cornetto (made by Walls) is a biscuit cone filled with flavoured ice-cream (strawberry, chocolate, mint choc-chip) and then topped with chocolate and nuts, or strawberry. They're packaged in cardboard and are little swines to get into. When they've been badly kept, the biscuit goes soggy, and collapses into the wet cardboard. The whole thing becomes a not-very-tasty mess.
Cornettos came out in the late 70s, and were very expensive for the time. They cost 30p no less, but we were bored with Strawberry Mivvis (we didn't understand the name, in any case), Fabs always stuck to the paper, and those little blocks of ice-cream sandwiched between to wafers were frankly laughable. The thing about Cornettos was that they were the epitome of decadence at the time - long before those daft types declared they felt 'reckless' when eating a Magnum. And they were huge in comparison to the rest. When you bought one of them in the interval in a film (ah yes - I'd forgotten that. Films use to have intervals so you could stock up on confectionary... and they used to be called films too - and not movies. Sigh. Anyway...), it lasted well into the second half. Heaven.
The advert was always set to O Sole Mio (By the Light of the Moon), and usually had a gondolier on a boat in Venice. He got to nick some poor unsuspecting sod's cone. King Cone's had 'Lick me, bite me, anyhere you like me, As long as you love me, It's all right' to the tune of 'Bend Me Shake Me' (is that what it's called?). On the whole they weren't a patch on Cornettos though. Very substandard stuff.
Cornettos went from strength to strength and got more and more expensive too. When they brought out the Magnifico, we were all stunned. It cost a quid! And it took hours to eat. You could feel the spare tyre forming whilst you ate it. They still make Cornettos, but with the advent of Haagen Daaz stores, they're all a bit redundant. And the American stuff is far, far nicer. Sad though.
'Just one Cornetto. Give it to me. Delicious ice-cream, from (nowhere near) Italy. Dee Dah. Dee Dum Dee Dee. You must be joking. They're thirty pee.'