The majority of my thoughts are taken up by three things: sleep, food, and sex.
I can't cry. Not "I won't cry" or "I stop myself from crying", I physically can't.
Doritos are a major food group as are hot pockets, ramen, and soda.
I hated The Catcher in the Rye because it didn't have a happy ending.
I do have feelings, I just hide them from others with my machismo.
My palms are hairy and I'm slowly going blind, kittens be damned.
I make others laugh to prevent them from laughing at me.
Some romantic comedies are genuinely entertaining.
Sexism, racism, and homophobia can be funny.
I notice a woman's body before anything else.
Killing people in video games is gratifying.
Angst is a recurring emotion, deal with it.
I write poetry in my spare time.
I love short hair on women.
Life sucks a lot of the time.
Family Guy is not funny.
The future looks bleak.
I piss in the shower.
Scratch a cynic and you'll find an idealist hidden underneath. Give us something to believe in.