Canada's Wonderland is a theme park owned by Paramount in Vaughan, Ontario. Many years ago this park wasn't owned by a huge corporation but by a private company that maintained a cast of plush Hanna-Barbera characters as well as cartoon themed rides and a Smurf Village.

Since Canada's Wonderland has an artificial mountain on its landscape, it was alluring to Paramount when the park went up for sale.

Paramount has since stripped the park of its previous identity except for the funnel cakes. Everything has the word 'Paramount' on it or spoken with it now. Hanna-Barbera Land is gone. So is Smurf village, and stupid TNG characters walk around instead of the plush Scooby Doos that used to.

As no one else seems to want to mention it, here is a description of all the rides available at Paramount Canada's Wonderland.

Psyclone
This is a new ride for 2002 and thus I haven't had the chance to try it out. The description from the official website:
On PsycloneTM, in the all-new Action Zone, catch some gravity defying hang time on the most powerful pendulum on the planet! Daring thrill-seekers will rock 120-feet in the air, while spinning on a giant, sky teasing satellite.
I don't think teasing the sky is a good idea. It might fall on you.
Shockwave
Another spinning type thing. The arms of some crazy contraption spin around, while the seats on the arms spin in a different direction altogether.
Cliffhanger
Recently, Wonderland has been on a spinning things spree. This one spins around, AND soaks people in water. The best of two worlds.
Drop Zone
Twenty-Two story drop from a big tower-type thing. Has an annoying stuntman theme.
The Fly
A cheap little aluminum roller-coaster, but no one can seem to decide whether it's for kids or normal folk.
Top Gun
An inverted looping jet coaster. This has the longest line in the park.
Vortex
Like Top Gun, but without the looping, and you're stuck in a box so your legs don't dangle.
The Bat
This one goes forwards, then backwards. It consequently can only run one train at a time, and is thus usually the second-longest line.
SkyRider
Rollercoaster where people stand up.
DragonFire
Typical steel rollercoaster.
Mighty Canadian Minebuster
Long wooden rollercoaster. Apparently, if you put your hand across the chest of the person next to you as the train climbs the first hill, the train will stop and a concerned voice will tell you to remove your hands(off the person's chest, not completely).
Wild Beast
Funny, I remember this ride being called Wildebeest last time I checked. I guess people got confused. Anyway, same as the one above. It makes up for its relative shortness by adding whiplash.
Thunder Run
This is another pathetic excuse to make this into a theme park instead of just a roller coaster park. It goes into the mountain, then out. Then, in again. Don't waste your time.
Timberwolf Falls
Boat goes downhill into large amounts of water. Water also splashes people standing on a bridge over it. Such as me, tied to the bridge with my towel by my so-called friends. Ah, to be thirteen again.
Xtreme Skyflyer
Three people are tied to a rope that is raised to a height of 170 feet, and then released. They swing around aimlessly, nearly hitting the wall in front of them, and all for the low low price of $15 extra.

And then, of course, there is the waterpark, SplashWorks, the various games, arcades, go-karts, smaller attractions, and the two children areas, which have kid-sized rollercoasters.

Lest I forget, Wonderland also has many overpriced stores selling clothes, candy, and other refreshements. Mostly candy. In an attempt to iron out the injustice inherent in the high pricing of these items, my heroic buddy had decided to fight the power. Thus, he would shoplift everything he could get his hands on. Mostly candy. He called it sticking it to the Man. Of course, like many young idealists, he was soon corrupted by the power he obtained, and started reselling the little South Park toys he stole.

He became a capitalist fat cat.

That's how The Man gets you.

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