With apologies to The Brunching Shuttlecocks. While the format is stolen the text is original.

The Line: A disturbing trend has arisen in fast food retaurants, that of herding us like cattle through metal rails in order to maximize the "line space" in front of the counter. They do this at banks too. Look I'm already being fed like a cow, I don't need to be treated like one. D-

Drink Stations: What was wrong with ordering a coke and having some pimple-faced 16-year-old fill my cup and hand it to me. Now virtually all fast-food joints just hand you a cup and point you to a soda dispenser. Now, admittedly this makes blending Cherry Coke and Mt. Dew a breeze, a lot easier than trying to explin the proper ratios to the forementioned 16-year-old. I never know what to ask for when I order anymore, "large drink" evokes some sort of Orwellian Distopia.. "this is drink, this is what we drink". I'm usually reduced to ordering a "large whatever". C

Ashtrays: Betraying my age a bit, harkening back to atime when one could smoke in a fast-food joint. they all had these flimsy, disposable, tin ashtrays on each table, which my friends and I would spend hours bending into obscene shapes, even without the smoking, I'd still like the ashtrays back. B-

Drive-thru: "Gimme my food and let me get out of here", this is a great idea, all the malnutrition of fast food without having to stomach the shrink-wrapped "ambiance" of fast-food joints. With the advent of LED displays showing me what I just ordered has helped me avoid neumerous potential disasters. B+

Playgrounds: They just started putting playgrounds in fast food resturaunts about the time I became too big to enjoy them, and they always get really pissy when someone who is not a "kid" tries to test out the ball-pit. Bastards. D+

Limited Time Food Items: I'll never quite get these, they finally make a burger I like and two month's later it's gone. Wendy's is notorious for this, but every major fast-food chain seems to do this. What, are grilled onions a seasonal item? While usually some of the best items on fast food menus I think that the chains need to stop toying with our emotions. B-

The Food: OK, fast food is never great, then again it's never downright awful, it's always slightly unsatifying, but then, a Big Mac is a Big Mac wether you're in Tulsa or Tacoma. C

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