IF YOU DON'T HEED THESE SPOILER WARNINGS, I'LL EXPOSE YOUR SECRET IDENTITY!


Title: "Lana Lang and the Legion of Super-Heroes!"
Release Date: March, 1961
Writer: Otto Binder
Penciller: George Papp
Inker: Maleekwa
LSH Roll Call: Star Boy
Guest Stars: Lana Lang
Bad Guys: a couple of thugs from 30th century planet Xanthu
Cameos: Pa Kent, Mr. and Mrs. Lang, Saturn Girl, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, and Chameleon Boy


So what happens?
(remember, most of these stories take place pre-Crisis on Infinite Earths, and pre-women's lib)

Poor Lana Lang just can't seem to win Superboy's affections, no matter how she tries! Getting an idea from a romantic matinee she's seen, she decides to make Superboy jealous by paying attention to another boy.

But what other boy could make Kal-El jealous? Conveniently, Thom Kallor, the 30th century superhero known as Star Boy pops up in Smallville to ask Superboy's help in tracking down a couple of criminals from Star Boy's home planet, Xanthu. After committing their crime, they stole a time ship and made it back to 20th century Earth.

While Star Boy is telling Superboy about his secret origin (he was out cruising space, when he passed through the tail of a comet, which somehow granted him all the powers that Superboy possesses, after which he decides to become a superhero, ultimately joining the Legion), Lana happens along. Star Boy asks Superboy not to reveal his secret identity to the villians, then Superboy takes off after one of them.

That pesky Lana, though, she's overheard the end of this conversation, and before Star Boy can take off to search for the thugs, she blackmails him into pretending he's simply mad about her ... else she'll reveal his secret identity! A cowed Star Boy reluctantly agrees.

However, Superboy, using his power of super-hearing, learns of Lana's plot and no matter what hoops she makes Star Boy jump through, Supey ain't playin' her game. Frustrated, Lana convinces her parents to let Star Boy take her to the 30th century to visit Xanthu, accompanying him while he takes the Xanthuite thugs to their appointment with justice.

Presumably to make sure she doesn't torture Star Boy too much, Superboy tags along, almost immediately meeting a Xanthu girl named Zynthia, over whom he begins to fawn most convincingly ... which of course makes Lana extremely jealous. Hoist by her own petard, Lana tries to faint her way out of the situation, saying that Xanthu's atmosphere is making her ill, but Superboy devises a helmet for her to wear. Utterly thwarted, Lana tearfully confesses that she's been using Star Boy to make Superboy jealous all along. Superboy then reveals that Zynthia is actually Star Boy's girlfriend, and together they plotted to make Lana jealous and show her the error of her ways.

All's well that ends well, Superboy and Star Boy forgive Lana, Lana forgives Zynthia, and the 20th century duo return to their own time period, where Lana invites Superboy to be her date at the upcoming Teen Time dance. Superboy ... says he'll think about it.

Cool Moments!
Yeesh, this story is so dated, it's hard to identify with it, but there's a Xanthuite creature called a parakat -- sort of a cross between a tiger and a parakeet, and it talks too! -- that's pretty cool.

Lana Lang, You Impertinent Girl! Department
This entire issue is just stuffed with our titian-haired temptress' impertinence! "Flame-cloth clothing, rare jewels, super bouquets! Star Boy is devoting all his time and super-powers to my happiness! Doesn't that make you jealous, Superboy?"
Yeah, Lana, he's probably jealous of you and considering dating Thom himself.

Comic Books Were Definitely A Boyzone Back in the Day Department:
Given that Lana seems to think that all males should make diamonds out of coal for her while also being attentive all the time to her most outrageous desires, I'd say that someone has a bit of growing up to do. The writer.

The Future Hasn't Been Written Yet Department:
Star Boy's powers undergo quite a change between now and the time we see him next. He also apparently dumps Zynthia, and if you know who his lady love is now (I won't spoil those who don't know), I guess we can safely say he definitely traded up, didn't he? Whoops, sorry, I'm still pissed at Lana's antics. Forget I said that, ladies.

The Legion appears to this day in monthly comics published by DC Comics.

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