A good apology is composed of, at the minimum, three parts, which do not necessarily need to be separate from one another. These essential parts are: a description of the act for which one is apologizing, an expression of remorse for that act, and a statement that one will try very hard not to repeat such a transgression. A fourth part is optional but encouraged, and that is an implicit intent to atone for that action or an explicit offer to make amends for the transgressive act. Ideally, the apology should be offered spontaneously rather than as a result of being pressured by others to apologize, though this condition is not strictly necessary; the most important aspect of it is the sincerity with which the apology is offered. Whether this sincerity arises spontaneously or through other people impressing on you how unacceptable your behavior was is largely irrelevant for practical purposes.

Example: "I'm sorry I threw your homework out last night. I was careless and thought that it was part of a pile of scraps for the recycling bin. I promise to be more careful when cleaning house next time so I don't accidentally throw out any of your stuff. Would you like me to help you rewrite it?"

The purpose of the description of the act is to show the person you are apologizing to that you understand why you have wronged him or her (or alternatively, why s/he feels s/he has been wronged). Just remember that tactfulness is definitely the key idea when making an apology; it does no good to describe the transgression in gory detail, and may do harm. The purpose of the expression of remorse is, in fact, the entire reason for the apology, and without this you may as well not be making the apology at all. Similarly, saying that you are sorry for committing an act, without stating that you will try not to do such a thing, again leaves the listener wondering whether you are actually sorry enough not to hurt them again, or if you are simply mouthing platitudes--or concealing ulterior motives.

A bad apology: "I'm sorry your homework got trashed last night, but if you kept the table looking like less of a sty, it wouldn't have ended up in the garbage." Translation: "It's your own damn fault, so stop whining about it."

The above apology is bad because the speaker does not admit personal responsibility for his or her action, places blame for the wrong solely on the victim of the wrong, and does not offer assurances that the victim need not expect being wronged in the same manner again (see also "I'm sorry that you feel that way"). On the contrary, the implication in that apology is that the victim should expect to keep having his or her homework thrown out unless he or she does what the speaker wants. In effect, this apology is manipulative and an attempt to either alleviate the speaker's guilt or cause others to look upon him or her more favorably. The key part of this apology is the fact that the speaker does not actually admit to having committed any wrong.

Another bad apology: "I'm sorry that you felt bad when I called you a snotty, self-centred, whorish bitch a few months ago. I haven't been able to concentrate since you cut me off from your life. I really feel bad about, you know, everything.

...do you think I can borrow $100 to get my hair highlighted?"

Under no circumstances should you imply that the reason his or her feelings are hurt is solely, or even mostly, because of his or her perceptions of the act. This destroys the purpose of an apology as an admission of wrong on your part and makes your apology seem particularly insincere. Also, every now and then your apology may not be accepted in the best manner possible--you may even be rebuked for daring to show your face again, if your transgression is a particularly heinous one. Sometimes the best course of action is to simply leave the person you have wronged alone.

Finally, if you do not regret what you have done, do not say that you do, even if you are pressured by others to do so. Since you know that your apology is false, it will take incredible acting skills or a particularly clueless listener to believe that you are being sincere. An insincere apology is pointless in that it accomplishes nothing and potentially worsens a situation; you have no guilt to alleviate, and if the listener perceives your insincerity, this may sour his or her feelings towards you even more than your original wrong may have.