Yes, this should probably be a daylog. But nobody reads daylogs, especially at the end of the day. Besides, you should always Pick your titles carefully, and, in the spirit of node titles that scream "Read me!" with all the subtlety of a Weekly World News headline, mouse castration was born. Let the downvoting begin. Subtitle of the day: sabotage Why? Well, I'll tell you...
So I worked a long day at my
shitty job as usual. I work on the campus of a large
university, where
the best and brightest get
edjamacated -no, that was not a
spelling error, it was a wry social comment on
the paradoxes of the public education (edjucashun) system- while I
rot in hell, slapping out lousy, overpriced food and pretending to smile. This job is less than
intellectually stimulating. So at the end of the day, I like to
engage my
brain in something other than
stirring fifty gallon drums of unidentifiable goo.
This is where
E2 comes in.
So I go to the public
computer terminal, which is where I do most of my
internet-based activities (read: checking
e-mail,
noding, surfing for
porn- oops, I mean, catching up on
current events). I plop myself down at a
machine, and what do I discover? Some
nerd up to no good has switched around all the keys. When I press "A," "Q" shows up.
Lovely. So I
haul ass to another terminal.
"This worksation has been locked. Please see your administrator for more information."
Gimme a break.
Fuck off, bucko. On to #3. I sit down, grab the mouse, move it around...
nothing.
Abso-frickin-lutely nothing.
With a sigh that expresses all my
gen-x ennui and a lingering
fin-de-siecle malaise, I flip over the mouse.
Jackpot. Some
asshole has taken out the little ball-thingy. A quick glance around the room reveals that all the other mice are missing their balls, too.
(snicker...) Now, I've seen this happen before. Usually some geeky
fraternity will make their pledges somehow
fuck with the system, and I'm pretty sure that's what happened. But tell me, what the hell is a frat going to do with
a bag full of mouse balls? (Insert your own frat-boy joke
here.) (
Nodeshell challenge:
a bag full of mouse balls.) There's one other person in the room and he, seemingly undisturbed by the
Freudian implications of his solution to the problem, has
inserted his finger into the
orifice on the bottom of the mouse and is
manipulating the cursor that way. If he was a
hottie, I'd be turned on, but he's not, so I'm just mildy
disgusted.
Since I am
fundamentally retarded when it comes to all things mechanical and compter related, I'm also left
unconnected to E2 and to the
audience that I know is just waiting to read this
rant. So,
long story short, I go find another terminal, one where the
keyboard isn't
dyslexic and where
the mice are hung like horses, and I
pound out this
profanity-filled
diatribe and
stumbit it for your reading pleasure.
May you live
happily ever after.
This node was brought to you by caffeine and stress; long may they reign as the gods of the middle class.