It's been about 35 years, but I remember it pretty well. I engaged an "introduction service" — i.e., a matchmaker. They put themselves out there as three levels above your basic dating service. They would learn all about me, and find people from among their vast inventory for me to meet that had a good chance of maybe being a good life partner.

I wrote the required six page essay and forked over the required US$1200. (35 years ago, remember? That was more than the cost of a hot fudge sundae, or a month's rent.) I would be quite unable to reproduce the essay now, but I can guarantee you that it was not subtle in its assertion that I was not interested in ever having children, so obviously any person they found for me had to exhibit the same uninterest.

I went on three — maybe four — dates, two of which were for the purpose of meeting women who were looking forward to meeting the future father of their children.

I don't remember whether I tore that matchmaker a new one or just ghosted them.

I've never had a date since then.

A couple of years ago, I wasted a lot of time giving real answers to the hundreds of questions on OkCupid, and had a four or five paragraph profile. Occasionally my browsing would turn up what looked like a promising profile, or even a potentially promising profile. I would send off a short introductory paragraph, being sure to work in a reference to something personal about them. A few of them answered but then disappeared from the aborted conversation. Not too infrequently, I would receive a message from a new person, which generally was along the lines of Hi if I was lucky, or more like 'sup? if not. I never responded to any of those.

But now, partially because of a promise made to my therapist, I'm in the process of signing up with Hinge.com (chosen because it was recommended to me as being not in the class of tinder/grindr). It's taking a while because

  1. I had to scrounge up six photographs of me, and
  2. had to answer three (3) of their random questions, which came with silly example answers that I hope are not typical of their member base.
I'm currently stuck on the "video prompt" step.

So here I am, dipping my toe with great trepidation into the pre-dating waters. Part of the problem I've always had with the idea is that, given the low likelihood of my liking any particular person I've met over the years, it's hard to accept the cost/benefit ratio of putting myself out there.

Not only that, but IN A WORLD WHERE C-DAWG GOES ON A DATE, not only does the stranger have that threshold to meet, but my brain now has to not put up the roadblock of requiring them to meet or exceed the quality of the few people who I've wanted but have been out of my reach.

And in a version of that world where I actually meet someone who does seem like a possibility, my brain that generally prefers to be honest with people will have to wrestle with the likely dilemma of whether to tell this person that they have breached my defenses and are a fine second place contender. Obviously everyone would tell me not to be an idiot; that doesn't have to come up in conversation.

But it will be bouncing around my brainpan if that scenario comes to pass.

Stupid Brain

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