Oops, I can't find my best friend

I just found out today that my ex-best friend is finally out of drug rehab. It's odd, how much people change, how our paths diverge. Damn, every weekend in first through fourth grade, we went over to each other's house, we acted out "Super Mario Brother's" together, (sniff sniff), he was always Luigi and I was Princess Toadstool or Mario. (Don't ask) His parents were divorced, and his mom worked. A lot. So we usually went over there and played with the neighborhood kids. Well, the neighborhood, as cheap deveolopments usually do, went downhill fast, and soon Ben started to smoke. In fourth grade. He started becoming a tough guy. I tried to keep up, but our worlds were already to far apart.

At the time, I was, to put it lightly, conservative. He left me duringa game of hide and go seek when I went over to his house, and I ended up alone and confused. A week later, in Physical Education (how come so many of our worst memories come from that class?), when I went over to him to ask if he wanted to spend the night at my place, he just said, "Get out of here, queer." In front of everyone. Just like that... I was alone again... frightened... oops, I can't find my best friend.

My best friend was also my ex-girlfriend, my step-sister, a drug user, hypocrite, slut, lesbian, run-away, and now totally out of contact from anyone that knew her (in that order).

Everything was cool as kids- as we would always talk and talk in the second grade lunchroom and while exploring the woods in my backyard. Eventually we went out for awhile, it was inevitable and now that I look back on it I guess we really did it to just get it out of the way. We were even still really good friends after we mutually agreed to stop romantically dating. In fact I think we were the best of friends at the time of her dad leaving her mom for another woman. Her mom was eventually forced to sell their house, sign custody over to my parents, and go back to community college for her nursing degree. I mark the turning point in our relationship to their moving into the suburbs and her subsequent corruption.

We started to talk less and less during high school. Almost to the point where when we did talk it was like we were old people reminiscing upon long, long ago high school days that we'd never see again. Eventually those rare encounters became even rarer.

That's when I learned through her new best friend that she's doing the very same drugs that we used to so strongly disagree with. Rumors and various stories (some through her own bragging) made their way to me about her and her random sexual partners. Then I learn from her girlfriend's friend that they're going out. I don't hate gays or lesbians by any means, but having an ex-girlfriend turning gay on you is just wierd. Really wierd.

Then through a certain set of circumstances, mainly her own pride, she took the family car out one night and hasn't been seen since.


I should've seen it coming. I really shouldn't have been so surprised with all the signs so clearly written here.
I guess it's the disappointment I can't get over.