We were meeting for lunch at the Maplewood Mall
noon you said
and don’t be late like you usually are
but I had forgotten to set the alarm
and my clothes were wrinkled
my hair was a fright
couldn’t find my car keys to save my life
they finally turned up in the vegetable drawer
I put on some lipstick and opened the door
and Monitor lizards were in the front yard
Komodo dragons wherever I looked
and one waddled up as Komodos will do
I gave him a bop on his big lizard nose
got in the car and I drove and I drove
and tried to come up with a story to tell
one you’d believe and one I could sell
it was 12:45 when I finally arrived
late for our lunch at the Maplewood Mall
soon as you saw me
first thing you said
long as we’re here I should buy you a watch
by then I’d decided confession was best
and spilled my guts on the whole stupid mess
the unset alarm and the vegetable drawer
the Monitor

I never buried him. He's inside. He can't hurt me anymore. Not directly. Yet he hurts me everyday, whenever I remember. I try not to.

I want to bury him as deep as possible. I want to move on with my life. It's been over a decade. And he's still not gone. Not from the inside.

Doctors gave me chemicals. Anxiety meds. Depression meds. They don't work. Some days, I white-knuckle it. Let the roller coaster take me, hoping to be let off soon.

Other days, the unfairness of life

i spent a good part of yesterday going through my old daylogs, for two reasons. Partly I wanted a list summarising them all (I used to have such a list on my homenode, but it got killed off due to my using unapproved Unicode characters, which destroyed evrything typed after them =[). The other thing is that I've wanted to