Connections within connections within connections. It's all interwoven and nothing escapes the web. Sometimes the coincidences thrill me, sometimes they scare me...seldom do they surprise me anymore. I've also quit looking for meaning within them, which worries me a little.

Today I did a write up for everything2; one that I'd begun a long time ago, but just hadn't finished. Completing it was more a way to clear my scratch pad than a true expression of anything I'm passionate about, but I did it. When I posted it, I decided to go ahead and read the nodes under new writeups, and there I saw the node from hermetic's parents and his wife. I learned of his death and it shook me. I cried. A friend called me to cheer me up, and still I cried. A person called who Loves me very much and would do anything in the world to make me feel better...and I couldnt stop crying. Why? It's the god-damned connections.

I went to Heretic's home node. I saw a picture of a guy, a normal guy...kinda cute, kinda nerdy..kinda normal. I started reading his nodes. I saw myself in his writeups. I saw people that I love in his expressions. I recognized patterns and pains in his life that I fight every day. The pain that I've been trying to keep bottled up inside me found a release when I was reading his writing. I related to his love for his children, his awe at the beauty of a thunderstorm, his pain at a marriage going wrong, and his frustration at not being able to 'fix' anything. Reading about this incredibly complex man made me look at myself some....and it made me cry. I wish I could thank him for that.

Is this going anywhere? Hell no. Sometimes it just feels good and right to write it down (type it out). It helps sort out the emotions and stuff. It helps me think, feel, process information and emotions. It helps me look at the connections and the web. Sometimes not.