HEROINSUCKS!!!!
It sucks people in, makes them forget the rest of their life, the ones they love, their hopes and dreams. It makes them hurt so fucking bad that even though they wake up each day vowing to end the use, they end up having to score so they can just quit hurting. It never lets go. People who have been clean for years can find themselves just as addicted after only a week of using. It's taking away my best friend and I'm pissed, and scared, and hurting for her, and frustrated.
I called my best friend this morning. I have one of her daughters at my house, and I wanted to discuss how we were going to get her home, and whether or not she wanted to meet us at the Chetco pow wow this weekend. As soon as she answered, I knew. There was no life, no zing, no anything in her voice. She's never lied to me about her struggles with heroin addiction, as I'm walking the same path (not heroin, thankfully]. I asked about Rusty and Paul, her cousins who just danced in their third sundance last weekend, an incredibly spiritual event. She hadn't even checked and heard about the dance. My friend, when she isn't using, is very very spiritual, smudging with sage everyday, praying to the creator, teaching her children to follow the red road. To hear her speak uncaringly of the sundance drove it home to me how much of my friend has been taken away by drugs. She says she won't use today, that she has to go clear to Salem to get it, that she'll come down to stay with me while she goes through the withdrawals. But I know the likelihood of that happening is slim. As the dope sickness hits her today, as she shakes with cold, then sweats, then vomits, then hurts all over.....Salem will seem a lot closer than here. And chances are, she'll choose Salem over life. Chances are she'll die soon. Chances are I'll have her precious little girl forever. And I want to cry and scream and shake my best friend, make her see what she's doing.
But I've been there. I know she won't hear me. So I burn sage and pray for her. I shed tears for her. I take care of her daughter for her. And I hope that someday she'll be able to beat it.
Don't EVEN try to tell me that heroin is OK. I know better and so does this little girl crying on my couch right now.