That girl is different from any other girl I will ever know in my life. I like it when she's my friend. In fact, I can't live when she's not in my life. Well I mean I guess I can technically "live" and breathe without her but it's not the same. When she's not around, I don't feel like I'm actually alive. But whenever she comes back into my life, it's as if everything is gonna be okay and nothing even changed between us and I can continue with my life normally again. She makes me better. She makes everything better. She fixes all my problems just by talking and acting normal just like the way things used to be. I need that. And yeah, maybe I am living in the past. And maybe I do need to accept the changes. But I can't. I know these things and I have tried my very hardest to come to terms with her new life and my new life and the way things have changed, but I don't think it'll ever fully hit me. My heart refuses to accept this reality because I know it can't possibly be right. Fate can't be done with us yet. Even if we're not together as the couple we once were, I know we're at least supposed to be friends.
I need her always and I think she needs me too. I trust that girl with my life, and I hope she knows that. I'll never share the same connection that I share with her with anybody else in this universe. She's one of a kind to me. She makes me want to be alive, to continue to endure all the tragedy and loss and unhappiness just so I can see what becomes of us in the end. She's the only reason I've got to keep going; that last shred of hope in an unkind world, that bright light always shining in my darkness, that sunshine on all my cloudy days... Everything. She is everything. Even when she's not here for me. Even when she's gone, even when she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I never stop thinking about her. She's always there inside my mind, inside my heart, inside of my soul.
Thoughts of her absence constantly eat away at my very being, like a vicious disease destroying me from the inside out. And there are times when I wonder when there will finally be nothing left, when I will finally become numb to all the pain she has caused for me (and the pain I have ultimately caused for myself). I do not think this day is going to come. I will always be haunted by her. She'll remain in my life forever because of the enormous wound she has left on my heart: an ever so agonizing reminder of the happy life I once shared with her.
As much as I would love to see the memories vanish completely, that is not how it works for me, so I hope she can understand why this is so incredibly impossible to get over. How would you feel if the love of your life wasn't there anymore, if she had moved on completely from the wonderfully perfect life you once lived together, if she had found someone new entirely and was in love with him just as (or even more than) she had been with you? Would that not tear your heart up? Would that not make you want to throw up all of your internal organs? Would that not ruin you? Do you think you could possibly ever Love again after experiencing that kind of heartbreak?
The answer is No, has always been No, will continue to forever be No, and No, it will not change.
You try living with that, then tell me what you know about misery.