I used to be on the road to academic success. Then I knew they were after me. At first I tried to kill myself but there were no garages to be found. So what else could I do? Drop out of school and drive across the country.

That I did and I took a plane to Europe. I escaped them and became an art lover and did lots of drugs. Then the money ran out and I joined a law firm because I had decided to go into law because all you needed to get into law school was a good GPA and a good LSAT score.

Every day I try vainly to deal with people. I love them and hate them. They smoke and make mucus noises. But some of them are cute and they try to have conversations and it's impossible unless I'm drunk. Unless I'm drunk, I can't score. And not just women. Interviews, connections, you name it. When I am drunk I am human.

I have obsessive compulsive disorder and severe panic attacks. The drugs made me sleepy but good. Now I can't get them because I seem too "normal." Because every day I have to hide my problems. My head is filled with obviously irrational thoughts. I worry that everyday people are after me.

I've been told I seem extremely happy. Always smiling. It dawned on me that people mistook my pained nervous smile for happiness. And it's a great thing. Happy happy happy. So said the China man in San Francisco.