The bane-and-butter of my existance. The rub here is that if a girl thinks I'm gay (as they frequently do), they automatically trust me and we form deep relationships -- but then I can't get any tail from them. So it's the toss up betwean satisfying my needs for emotional connection or doing the mattress mambo. Not to mention being hit on by some one the sweetest guys ever, and I don't have the heart to tell them that I don't play for that team.

Though I do often wonder that is, exactly, a gay look? Is there some small artifact that pushes one over to the 'gay' side? If so, what is it? Is my hair too short? Too long? Do I wiggle my butt too much when I walk? Is it because I like show-tunes?

Man, if I could just figure out the essence of what makes someone look gay and bottle it, I'd make a fortune. The Man who sells Gay.

My Girlfriend would love that.