Talk about weird fucking dreams. My dream last night was one of the weirdest I've had in a while.

So, in this dream, I'm dating Britney Spears (odd, because I rarely devote more than five seconds of thought to her per day). For some reason, there's a big explosion in the city and Britney and I lose all our belongings, except that she manages to save a single videotape. Of porn. And it's hers, not mine. How odd.

So, lacking anything better to do, Britney and I start watching this porn tape (I don't know where we found a TV and VCR). The tape is of a bunch of naked women swimming around in a pool. Suddenly, we're not watching a tape...there are actually a bunch of naked women swimming around in a pool in front of us.

Then, for some reason, I jump into the pool and start biting the nipples off of the women. This seems perfectly normal to me, and Britney is cheering me on. When I get to the last woman and go to bite her nipple off, I suddenly realize, "Hey, why the hell am I eating nipples?"

And then the phone rang and I woke up.

What the fuck???