Hell mutha-fuckin' yeah!

Things are GOOD! Last night, yours truly got deflowered! Probably not in the usual sense, I mean c'mon people, I've been married. I'm talkin' about the fact that I finally got to see Rocky Horror Picture Show. Everytime I've wanted to see that damn thing live, something has come up. And that doesn't seem possible seeing as how many people I know have been cast members. Hell, Eileen was Magenta for how long and she was my roommate for over a year. But anyway, I owe this experience to Lord Bear. Thanks, darlin. Psst! My hair smells like your shampoo....and I'm a puma...ROAR!

Also, I have VERY GOOD seats to the Depeche Mode concert (we got them three days ahead of time....hehehehehehee) July 5th, and two adorable escorts. Satyr being one, and his 19 year old hottie STRAIGHT brother Gary......beautiful Italian men.

I have this Saturday coming up, off, so I guess I need to corral some camping gear together. FAST. Digging through my Book of Shadows for just the right ceremonies......did I mention my five year handfast will be up next week?....talk about taking a load off.

Talked to my mom, and I'm going to see her and my dad the end of May. MY COUSIN"S PREGANANT!....first born of the fourth generation of Chapman women...I feel very strange about this. I'm also going to help Griffin move as well as get my bed......he did call me the other day. Shit, I think we go about five days and then we have to exchange notes. WEIRD! Sounds like someone's getting attached....but that can't be allowed to happen. You see, I am a liability. That's why I'm sticking close to my friends. They know where I'm coming from and what I'm made of, and there is less chance of my hurting them if I'm just straight forward. But the conversation went something like this:

"So, you seeing anybody? Scared any lesbians lately?"
"No, I haven't scared any lesbians."
"But are you seeing anybody?"
"ANYWAY. You seein' anyone? How are your little girls?"
"They're girls. They don't put out. Same old, same old. I ran into Marcus and told him I was going to try to stay with you for a few weeks. He acted really weird about that."
"So that explains why he stopped emailing so suddenly. Great. I swear, you two...."
"No. I think he understands.....You know, I miss you."
"Yeah right. Getting lonely, Ry?"

That's a whole bag of worms that is just weird. When Cammie met him, she said, "My God, he even moves his head like you do." See and there's the problem. Plus we never started on a romantic note. We started on something born of confusion, need and pain. And just the novelty of having the same birthday. And confusion. Did I mention confusion? He keeps mentioning how he thinks we'll end up together over the long haul. I think he's crackers! Really, I know him too well. I told him on the drive to meet my parents, "This is all well and good, but when it comes down to it, WHEN and IF I ever settle down, that boy'd better think I hung the goddamn sun and moon. I don't think you'd ever be capable of feeling that way."

What else is really good? Satyr and I are getting on very well. He is my housewife, and I bring home the bacon. I told you I was capable of that. And there's little competition, because I like 'em with long hair, and he likes 'em with short. Kismet, I'm telling you.

People keep giving me dates and times to configure. Astrology Charts. I outta charge for this, but I don't yet.

After what I wrote yesterday, I kind of want to make it a point to soften it. I don't feel like a liar. I know I'm not one. I guess it's nice that everyone's doing their own thing, I just hate being colored the bad guy, when I've tried so hard to be good. I'm just trying to do the right thing, even if it looks all juxtaposed at the moment. Have a little faith in my trying to calm the storm. I'm good like that.

Written shit tons over the last week, and I'm proud of some of it. Maybe I'll post it tomorrow.......who knows? Anyway...got a cook-out to go to.