Welp, no closing today. The lender called us this morning, asking more annoying questions, like "have you been saving any money?" and "how often are you paid?"
This suggests to me that our magical stunt last month of actually conjuring up lots of money for a short amount of time still wasn't enough to satisfy this mysterious underwriter whom they won't let me meet, speak with, or run over with my car.
So much for a nicely planned move. Guess I have to postpone the utilities being transferred over there. Sure hope they don't end up saying "no" and screwing us out of the house. I don't believe the $1,100 we paid in advance for the appliance upgrades is refundable, and I bet they'll try to keep the $1,000 we paid in earnest money to get the house off the market.
I don't suppose anybody around here has, oh, five thousand dollars they could lend us for a month or so, do they? :)