Hey bro, how goes it?
- You know, it goes
Well, uh, rumor on the street is you might be thinkin' 'bout a cathartic killing spree
- Ngl, yeah, I think fantasy killing could be cathartic
Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
- Oh, you know
Play some first-person shooter video games instead, go to the firing range, buy some Dead Milkmen t-shirts
Don't forget your MAGA t-shirt
Y'know all proceeds go to keep their hero outta jail
- Uh-huh
- Can't wait to go down
Hey um, you goin' across the border while you're down there?
- Uh, why cross the border?
Duh, it's a place where minors can drink
- Oh, cool
Didja hear who's playin' town soon?
-No, who?
My favorite cover band, Cover Band
- Wow
Heck yeah, they do a
KISS show, not sus at all, in fact, it goes a little like this
You drive us wild, we'll give you Covid
You show us everything you've got
Baby, baby that's quite a lot of snot
You drive us wild, we'll give you Covid
You'll keep on coughin', you'll keep on coughin'
I wanna rock and roll all night and party every way
- Pretty good Paul Stanley impression there
I hope my guys have a good sense a' humor and don't take us to court
Uh, what's the court?
- Never mind that, the important thing here-
You mean the People's Court
- The- now, that's another story
The important thing here is that we get to the part
Where you ask me how I'm gonna dispose of the bodies
Um, how you disposin' of the bodies?
- Funny you should ask, I've got some tools of the trade
Oh rad, wheredja get the tools?
- Oh, my folks drove 'em over here from the Azores
For reals?
- Are ya daft, punk? No, not for reals, the Azores are islands
Okay, the important thing here is that, um, you ask me what kinda tools they are
Uh, uh, what kinda tools ya' got?
- I've got stainless cutlery!
Stainless Cutlery, Stainless Cutlery!
I chopped apart my neighbors
Stainless Cutlery, Stainless Cutlery!
Now I'm in all the papers
My folks got me more stainless cutlery
With no insurance to match
So if I happen to slice you up
Please don't leave a scratch
I forked into some person
One night at the county fair
And I didn't get arrested
Because my dad's the mayor
Stainless Cutlery, Stainless Cutlery!
I took off your skin in the den
Stainless cutlery, stainless cutlery!
Echo and the Bunnymen
When I sit down at the table
Everyone looks afraid
'Cause I've got my stainless cutlery
And I've got it on display
So you'd better get out of my way
When I go spoonin' mad
'Cause I've got some stainless cutlery
And I might be Breaking Bad
Stainless Cutlery, Stainless Cutlery!
Hey why ain't you chillin'?
Stainless Cutlery, Stainless Cutlery!
I'm cathartic fantasy killin'!
For now.
*mic drop*
(Parody, Sarcasm, and Satire are three fickle Muses . . .)
horrorquest
noder's note:
With apologies and condolences to all.
I came across the empty nodeshell while browsing e2,
and "Bitchin' Camaro" started playing in my head.
Considering the Satanic Panic theme of the horrorquest,
I thought, 'Why not a parody?' and Satanic Panic! at the Disco
didn't make the cut. I changed some things to match my thoughts,
did some links, and here it is. Know I don't condone mass violence,
but do believe the discussions need to be continued until a remedy
is achieved and implemented. Besides, if school shootings
(and pandemics) aren't scary, what is?
Peace out
Peace in the hood