2:07am, and here I sit... unable to justify
a single thing presently in my life. I can't really find a reason to do much of anything these days, other than to avoid shear boredom
, which doesn't give me much gas to get anywhere other than not where I was.
I've always fed off of the people around me
. I need them dearly, and lately I've been quite the home body. I can't remember what I used to do before her, but even if I could, I'm starting to think that it just wouldn't cut it for me anymore, anyway.
I always complained about Kait, but she kept good company
, even though I never really told her that
. She was my encouragement
to keep busy. She's the only girlfriend that ever really loved me, which is a hard thing to walk away from. I'd like to say that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship, but the culprit
this time is most definitely me. She just doesn't make me happy.
I can't explain really how I've been lately other than to say that my life is a complete waste. A waste of the passions I posess somewhere deep down inside, and of my time given here on this earth. Work, sleep, and the random task at hand are what fill my days. My heart
is no where but in these lonely bones. OK, maybe "lonely bones" is a bit of an over exaggeration
. I have roommates, a few friends and my family. That's more than alot of people can say. But my heart is here, in me and only me, though it wasn't always this way. This is of course my doing, though it all drifted away so slowly that it was hard to notice at first.
I'm not quite sure what it is that I am looking for out of life
, but I know that I gotta buy a ticket if I want to win the lottery, and I can't complain if I don't.