I am one of those people who outstays necessity because of comfort. These hands were made for clinging, I suppose. Or at least that's what I tell myself for comfort purposes.

I have a job at a newspaper in the composing department making and placing ads. I never wanted to be here very long, but it was my first "real job". The one to make me look like a real graphic artist on my resume.

First it was a year, then I promised myself I'd only be here 2. Now a month past my 3 year anniversary at this job, I find it difficult to leave. I like the people, my boss is awsome, it's a 3 minute drive, and I don't have to do shit for a paycheck that affords me all that I really want to do. Not an overabundance, but pretty much exactly what I need to get by. That all sounds great, besides the fact that I never wanted it to be this way.

It has been so long since I have really had to work that I find myself getting angry when I actually have to apply myself to something. Not only that, but I am starting to forget how to really apply myself fully. This is starting to carry into my personal life as well, which is scary.

It all slips away so slowly, you don't even notice until you've lost alot,
like one of those zombies in vegas, pouring quarters into a slot.
- Ani Difranco

Atrophy... it's a killer. I just had to learn how to identify the problem before it's too late, which is where I am right now.

I had an interview with an advertising agency. I was asking for twice the money that I make here at the newspaper. They, of course, refused to pay it, and we parted ways. After about 24 hours of mental examination, I realized why I asked for so much money. I was scared to leave my safe-haven... my personal bubble of protection that I've been hiding in since I realized that I was not invincible to the trials of the world. What a coward I have become. I am so scared to leave my job that I sabotage any opportunity that may remove me from it.

After that humbling realization, I promised myself it would be no more. I called the agency back and told them how foolish I had felt and that I would like to be recoincidered for the job. I'd take whatever they are willing to pay me. As of now, we are working out a few minor details, insurance costs and what not. Everything seems to be falling into place rather well.

Who the hell put such emphasis on jobs any damn way? How did we come to this? I was watching some random show on stupid TV... Who's Line is it Anyway? or something (I would probably do more for myself watching the moon as opposed to watching that damn box!). They introduced a guy from the audience. For his discription, he gave "Pool Guy". This is all this man is... a Pool Guy!? Nothing about his family, friends, or interests. Just a Pool Guy. What brought us to this point in human evolution? When did we become a job title and nothing else?

This idea was not always present in my mind. I began to realize the trend when I started running into people from High School. When I asked them what they had been up to since graduation, it turned into some sort of pissing contest of who is further along the path to success, and it only got worse as time went by. What happens when the path has vanished. We are born into a society that has us chasing our tails for some mythical ideal that is unobtainable through material success. There's got to be more than this... but I digress.