By last report in these pages, I was a grouchy old man in a drunken moment of clarity. In the appendage to said writeup, I asked my fellow everythingians to pray for me to get a lesson in love, and you all must have done your part, cause I am still trying to pick up the pieces of my loveless existance! It started out as someone just shaking my little snow globe of life up a little, and ended with it shattered on the floor.

I recently attended a 3 day music festival called Bonnaroo, though it was really about 5.5 days worth. We left Columbus Wednesday evening for an all night drive to a 5 a.m. rendezvous with our group from all over the country in the Wal-Mart parking lot in Manchester, Tennessee. If you ever have a caravan of people driving somewhere, I highly sugggest you all have walkie-talkies. It is the most entertaining thing for a driver to have. We were making up code names and every time we would get done talking, we'd say "ernie" instead of over.

Green Hornet: "Black Mama, you still pickin up the rear? ernie."
Black Mama: "You know that's just the way I like it! ernie"

We proceeded together as a group into the festival. Where you park is where you camp. I'm not sure if you realize how impossible of a job it is for 9 cars to end up parking next to eachother and setting up camp together in a crowd of 92,000 people. There are so many merges and seperations and checkpoints that were opposing our mission, it seemed impossible. Thanks to the radios, we were able to block our way through. One of our trucks would pull out and act like it stalled out and everyone else would go while he couldn't start is truck again. SNEAKY!

To sum up the festival, it was 4 days of freedom from the monotony of life. It was 4 days of drug-induced chaos and harmony all under one big sky, and everyone was selling something. There were 23 of us in our camp, probably one of the biggest groups to collectivly show up. I knew about 6 or 7 of them, so this was gonna be interesting. I liked everyone for the most part, though there was one who shimmered in almost any light. She was the kind of person you just wanted to know more about, and I went on a mission to know as much about her as possible. It turned out that we were both most excited about the same performer, so that set things in motion quite well.

Sunday was the day to outshine all other days. It started out as any other of the three days since this crazy festival began... more than a little disoriented from lack of sleep and still drunk and stoned from the night before (thought days didn't really have much seperation with the lack of sleep), and ended up being the best day of my life. The funny thing is that I can't even tell you why. Ok, yes I can... it was her.

If timing is everything, then Sunday was everything. I've never seen such a day so seemingly scripted to be perfect in all my 9130 days on this planet. We shared so much with eachother... and it all came so naturally! I've never met someone whom I could so freely communicate with. A barage of connections... crescendos and decrescendos... we fed off eachother brilliantly! My heart sang as loudly and freely as it had ever had with her that night. She asked me if I had ever seen the state.... my all-time favorite sketch comedy show. I ask people that... and they always say no! We ended up sleeping together in her 2 day old hammock tied up between 2 trucks marking the front of our camp site. We were both naked, yet wrapped up in our own blankets. She was so wonderful that there was no way I could cheapin the day by making any sort of sexual advances. I was revelling in the warmth and company of such an amazing female that I neglected to sleep nearly at all, which was ok by me. Truely the best day of my life.

All it took was a day we conquered for me to see...
all it took was your extatic grin
coupled with the amazing way you made that swing spin
as lightning erupted in the sky behind each child-like thrus of your legs and body,
calling to me, symmetry.

I wish I could tell you more...

The next morning was pack up and go time. The magic of that amazing evening (and the mushrooms) had somewhat faded. You see, after bonnaroo, she was moving to Idaho to be with someone she had known for a few years. They were going to take their relationship to the next level. So our experience became that of the unspoken, though there was no doubting the amazement of what had happened, at least in my mind. I didn't want to let this one just slip back into the void of unknown, so I just made a promise to myself to be a friend.

She was going to columbus to pack up her things and meet up with her boyfriend and then it was off to Idaho. She ended up not meeting up with him and I squeezed another day together out of the whole scenario. She showed me alot of her artwork that she had done over the years. SHE IS GREAT! I was so impressed, though I could tell that she wasn't the biggest fan of her own work. I ended up staying the night there next to her in her bed. Again, nothing sexual. Not that I'm not attracted to her. She's equally as beautiful as she is intellegent and creative. But beauty doesn't make me feel the way I feel about her. It's something all together different. The next day had several interesting happenings, but for the most part, we hung out till her boyfriend showed up. Then I left, staying long enough to introduce myself. It was home to massillon.

After I got home, I stopped off at the local Wal-mart to drop off several rolls of film. While I was waiting in the parking lot, I decided to take the left-over mushrooms. GREAT IDEA! I had a little left from the festival, not too much to do any real damage, just shift my perspective a little. It ended quite nicely, although I was no longer with her anymore.

Back to work was the worst thing ever. I could no longer lie to myself about how bad my job really was, but back to work I went. I got home from work that night to one of the weirdest emotions I've felt to this day. I had about 9 messages on my answering machine and a note sticking out of my shoe right next to the door on the table from my mom:

Nick, the girl that you met at the concert has come up missing.
You were the last one seen with her.
Call your brother at work, a detective wants to talk with you.

My heart hit the fucking floor. I NEVER GOT TO TELL HER HOW TRUELY AMAZING SHE WAS... HOW RIGHT SHE MADE ME FEEL! I knew that the probability of her being dead wasn't likely. She seemed like a girl who could take care of herself. Then several things started popping into my head. Maybe the jealous boyfriend killed her. Maybe she couldn't leave without seeing me again and tried to come and find me. None really likely, but I allowed my mind to entertain them for a short time none the less.

So I called my brother, who thought I might be missing with her, calmed him down a bit and got the detective's phone number and talked to him for about 20 minutes. I laid it all out for him, too. I told him that if it was just between he and I, I'd spill the beans. He got way more information that he could have possibly wanted/imagined. I told him everything... from the best day of my life to being broken apart by her dissappearance. He didn't really seem to think I killed her or anything so I felt a little better, but the most amazing woman I had ever met was still missing.

I got her phone number through much difficulty, and called her cell phone to leave a message telling her to call me if she got the message. She eventually did, and she was fine. Her mom just freaked out about nothing. It was so good to hear her voice... she was alive! We talked for a few minutes and then she had to go. The added drama just made me want to tell her how important she was to me, but given her current situation and my past for ill-timing, I decided that I would just let the chips fall where they may. Everything will work out just as it needs to. I just didn't know how hard it would be to harbor these emotions and not get wrapped up in them. It's a struggle that I'm willing to endure just to be part of her life... to know her.

I ended up getting let go from my job about 5 business days later. I hated that place any fucking way. They just got me the hell out of there. After about 4 days of contemplation on what the fuck to do with my life, I decided that it was time to leave my flypaper town known as massillon for bigger and better things. My brother's roommate was moving out, and a job opportunity opened up at the taxi company he works for, so I took off. It was probably the most spontanious thing I have ever done. Now here I sit in Columbus, Ohio. I feel like I just jumped into my brother's life and now I'm riding his wave. I don't have a bed and have been sleeping on the hard wood floor for the past 2 weeks. It sucked when I didn't have any blankets to sleep on, but I do now and the kennel sores have since healed. Since I recently moved, I don't have many friends here. Today is my birthday, and no one is making a big deal about it. That sucks a little, but I'll be ok. I have to go to work now. I had no idea what I would be in for working for a taxi company. There are some crazy fuckers here. I'm way too personal a person for this city!

So that about brings you all up to speed for the moment. I've been trying to daylog these events for about a month now, but my computer is mauled and I've been busy as hell. I wish I could get more in depth about things, but I can't use this computer too much longer. Maybe when I get my computer fixed I'll get a little more in depth. I'd like to thank all those who prayed for me to get a lesson in love. No pain no gain! I feel great though... in the most odd of ways.

She's Taryn, my world apart...
and it's tearin' my world apart