I work as a commission salesperson at a Furniture store.

It being February, the slowest month of the year, we end up being over-staffed and under-customered. This gives us a lot of free time on our hands.

Now to be fair, I WARNED him not to steal my nametag. I said, "Look, Turpin, don't steal my nametag. Don't mess with me."

But he stole my nametag.

And ran off with it, and kicked it under a couch.

I was forced to go into his locker and steal his ray-ban sunglasses. I think they had a huge sentimental value so I just placed them inside a cup on top of his locker.

In response, Turpin took a random padlock and locked my locker with it.

So I took a bunch of crumpled up paper and threw it in his locker. Just a light sprinkling, really.

I had a few days off, and yesterday my locker was filled, head-to-toe, with no room for movement, with long strips of shredded paper. (though he had found his sunglasses and since removed the padlock)

Turpin is so afraid of retribution that he went through the length of going to the drugstore and buying a lock-and-key to protect himself.

I was forced to widen a small hole in the top of his locker with my screwdriver, so that I could spray an entire can of silly string in, followed by the dumping of horrendous amounts of confetti (hole-punch cutouts).

My next plan is to toilet paper the inside of his locker and gently mist it so it sticks.

I told him not to mess with me.