Twas a normal day, till about 4:30. The phone rings. An attractive female voice is on the other line.
Woman: Hello, is /me there? replace /me with my name
Woman: This is Rachael from Peaches and Cream. Do you know why I'm calling? Note: Peaches and Cream is the local porn store.
Me: Ahmm, no.
Rachael: You have a number of video's over due. Horny in Huston, Wild on Campus, and The Art of the Titty Fuck.
Me: Is this a radio station or something?
This is a lovely start to the mid-afternoon, and is rather discomforting, as I have not rented Horny in Huston, Wild on Campus or The Art of the Titty Fuck.
Me: Ummm, no I haven't, I've never rented these videos, in fact, I've never been in your store. Actually I don't think it'd be legal for me to go in, I'm not 18.
Rachael: You don't have to be 18, how old are you?
Rachael: Well you only need to be 16
This is where it get's intriguing. Later after some research as to porn laws in New Zealand and what a titty fuck was (thanks e2), I verified this information. I feel so much older now, I can rent porn. It make's sense I guess, the age of consent is 16, and if you're allowed to have sex, then you should be allowed to watch others do the dirty deed as well.
Me: Well, I've never been there, I don't have an account with you.
Rachael: You don't need one.
Me: Do you get any more information, middle names?
Rachael: No, we don't actually
Me: Any video footage?
Now this is amazing. I don't know anyone with my name who'd has my phone number, so assuming I don't have a name-buddy in Christchurch, they don't ask for proof of name.
Me: Well I don't have your videos, is there any way I can verify it wasn't me? I'd rather not come by the store.
And I don't. Peaches and Cream is on the main shopping road in town. Everyone going past looks intently interested at the other side of the road when they walk past it. I once got run into by a guy comming out of there, his purchases went all over the road, poor guy.
Rachael: Yea, well if I remember rightly, the guy who rented these looked older than 17.
Me: Well, I'll be happy to clear my name, just not at the store.
Rachael: Yea, well you sound like a reasonable guy.
Rachael: Well, I'll see if they turn up, and call you later if they don't
Me: Well just don't leave any messages on my answer phone, I live with my parents, and that'd be kind of embarrassing.
I can see three possibilities here, and they're all rather unlikely.
Prank Call If so, I'm honored. The authenticity was amazing. Only a pro could say the porn titles without even flinching, and she said them totally relaxed and normally, as if she was naming her cats.
Fraud If so, someone has to have my name and number, and if Rachael was correct, be older. I don't know who'd have my number who was significantly older than me. Also, the store policy regarding ID must be non-existent. Just go in, give a name and number and you've got your expensive porn flicks. (and they are expensive, I checked the website, like US$50 each).
Something bigger I've just played a tiny part is some huge chain of events that'd form the basis of a postmodern novel, culminating in an earth-shattering event.
If anyone has any suggestions, /msg me, especially regarding the third possibility.