Dance: to move in time to music. Music especially composed for dancing is called dance music except when composed by dead people for ballroom dancing, in which case it's called boring or composed in the jazz or swing styles in which case it's called jazz music or swing music respectively (it is rumored that intelligent dance music exists). A piece of music released by a fading one hit wonder to bolster their sales is called dance remix.

The goal of all dance is to get laid (do the The Horizontal Bop, do the horizontal mambo or go horizontal jogging) with someone whose hips know the original dance, which is why dancing is known as a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.

Dancers go to a nightclub, dance hall, disco, high school dance or prom to dance because all of these places have a dance floor and a supply of members of the opposite sex/members of the same sex. Typically a dancer will approach another who they find stunningly beautiful and say ``Wanna dance?,'' ``Shall We Dance?'' or similar and, if their chosen partner accepts, lead them to a space on the dancefloor and proceed to dance. When approaching younger dancers it may be necessary to seek the approval of their chaperone before dancing with them and in some cultures the chaperone will expect a dance. Dancers who have a regular dance partner, date or girlfriend/boyfriend have a much wider range of dancing locations open to them, as all they need is a horizontal surface.

Once on the dance floor it is important to choose a style of dance which matches the music being played. Waltzing to industrial dance music is usually frowned on (but usually by the time it occurs to you to waltz to industrial dance music you're too wasted to give a toss whether other people are frowning at you).

Dances styles are divided into a number of classes:

  • Ballroom. Ballroom dances include the Modern Waltz/Waltz, Tango, Viennese Waltz, Slow Foxtrot, Polka, and Quickstep (Note that the quickstep and the hotfoot are different. The hotfoot is the dance you do when her husband discovers you in bed with your quickstep partner). Ballroom dances are often danced at high-brow social occasions (weddings etc.) to classical music which has no potentially offensive lyrics They are progressive dances, the dancers progress around the dancer floor following the Line of Dance and the steps are taken heel first.
  • Latin or Latin American. Latin American dances include the cha-cha-cha, Rhumba/Rumba, Salsa, and Lambada and the steps are taken toe first.
  • Crap dancing includes the styles techno, trance, breakdancing, rave, Macarena, disco and similar styles. Murphy's Laws of Dancefloor Content applies to these styles only.
  • Swing/Ceroc/Jive/Lindy Hop are a derived from 1930's american swing
  • Interpretive dance is the class of dance in which some emotion other than a horizontal desire is depicted. Serious dancers are most easily separated from the casual dancers by looking at their footwear. A serious dancer spends many hours a week in their dance shoes and has considered it worthwhile to find, buy and maintain good dancing shoes. A casual dancer is probably wearing 6 inch shocking pink platforms with no arch support or other impractical shoes. Historically stiletto heels have been popular, but not with the dance floor owners. Stiletto heels raise the stakes in the ``standing on each others feet'' game since only women (or men in drag) are permitted to wear stiletto heels. Ettiquite requires that should a woman disable her partner to the point where he is unable to continue dancing, she should help him off the dance floor and, if necessary, call an amublance.

    When the concentration of dancers in a venue reaches a critical point then all horizontal movement becomes impossible. Serious dancers leave the dance floor when they can no longer safely perform triple spins and leave the venue completely should the critical point be reached.

    Alternatively sad people go to a strip joint and watch the lap dancers lap dance, the exotic dancers dance exotically and the erotic dancers dance erotically. If the sad people have enough courage and money they then take the dancer and do the The Horizontal Bop or the horizontal mambo.

    This node is not exhaustive, an attempt at an exhaustive dance node already exists.