The easy part first: B&D = "
bondage &
dominance" or "
bondage &
discipline." S&M = "
sadism &
masochism." D&S = "
dominance &
submission." Generally people interested in
BDSM are people who are interested in ways of having
sex that are outside the mainstream. Some people enjoy
submitting themselves to others in a sexual context. This is called
D&S,
dominance and
submission.
D&S is basically an
erotic game where both participants are getting off. One playing on the thrill of control and the other playing on the thrill of being controlled. The
'top' is
dominant while the
'bottom' is
submissive.
Often people outside of the
S&M scene don’t see any appeal in the things that look
painful. What's so enjoyable in being hit? Well, have you ever noticed after you've had some
intense sex you've had bite marks on your neck that you have no memory of? What happened was your love partner bit you, HARD, so hard that it bruised you, and all you felt was a jolt of
pleasure. If you had been bitten while you weren't having
sex you would have screamed, "OUCH", because it would have been extremely
painful. But, you were
sexually aroused and because of that your
pain tolerance goes way up, so the stimulation that you usually feel as
pain you feel as
pleasurable.
How is this possible? Feeling
pain as
pleasure when we are sexually aroused? A simple explanation is that the brain produces
endorphins, natural
opiates, to compensate for
pain. You actually get
high off the sensation. The "runner's high" comes from pushing the body
painfully for so long that the
endorphins kick in; the rush you get after eating chili peppers comes from the same source; and that's what makes it enjoyable for
S&M players to be whipped or spanked or whatever. All athletes that are "hooked on exercise" are essentially
masochists who enjoy stressing their bodies to get that
chemical response. So your friend who enjoys being spanked may actually be a lot less
masochistic than your average marathon runner!
Of course different people enjoy different levels of sensations, "Different strokes for different folks." What may be a wonderfully
sweet caress to one person may be totally unnoticeable to another, and what may be a delightful spanking to one person may be no fun at ALL to someone else!
Some people find this absolutely absurd. "How can you find
pleasure in
pain?" What may be considered a
hurtful sensation to one person is considered
ecstasy to another. Some people want more sensations; they find it thrilling and exciting. The sense of
vulnerability, the sense of power, the trust and love in your partner, all are part of
BDSM.
Sexually expressing yourself in safe and new exciting ways will change your life for the better. Remember you set your
boundaries, no one else. You choose exactly what you want. Open your
mind and try it out or you'll never know what you're missing.