Someone has a crush on me.

At least, tells me so. This is that new dotcom system where you type in the e-mail addresses of everyone you have a crush on, and then the computer stores that and if the person that that e-mail address types in your e-mail address, then it'll tell you it's a match.

Then, it takes every single one of those e-mail addresses that you gave it and immediately e-mails those people to tell them that they have a crush waiting for them, too. It's a sly MLM scheme to get people to return to the web site again and again to look at ads.

One big problem: I have about a dozen primary e-mail addresses, and so do three-quarters of the people I know. When I hit the two-thousandth contact in my Palm Pilot, sites like CrushLink simply weren't practical anymore (as if they were before...). So, um, hi. Whoever you people are, please just send me a damn e-mail. Don't hide behind sites that I won't be able to get any use out of anyway.

And you'd better hurry, I just got an e-mail from a HOT SEXXXY COED that wants to get to know me better. With all these e-mails coming in, I must be in high demand.