I had just gotten done telling Raven via e-mail what a good snake Ophion was, and how friendly, and how tolerant, when he went and bit me on my goddamned armpit. (Ophion, not Raven)
Sooo I kinda wandered out into the computer room with a snake clamped to my underarm and said to my roommate;
“Hey Michael, you have any experience handling snakes?”
“Uhhh...a little. Why?”
“There’s a really weird situation that I need you to help me with.”
So we tried Googling “python bite help” (the “signs of a snake bite” FAQ result was particularly humorous, in that it did not include “is there a snake attached to your body?”), and then checking the ball python manual (they have a special jaw-opening tool for it; we don't), and finally just using the method one uses on cats, dogs and horses: taking a stick and very gently prying his jaws open. The difference between Ophion and a horse, though, is that you don't have to unhook a horse.
I admit that I did think about posting for help in the Catbox, but hitting refresh every thirty seconds, for five minutes, with a python chewing my underarm... the idea lacks zest.
When Michael tells this story later, it will be funnier that I had to take my shirt off.
So now Ophion’s mouth is smeared with my blood and he’s dipping his head repeatedly in his water dish. I imagine human sweat tastes like crap to snakes. Serves him right.
Michael reports that should this happen again (and it will, now that Ophion has a taste for my FLESH), we should introduce a drop of booze to the snake’s mouth. I thought about that while this was going on, but dismissed it as toxic. But in long run, it’s probably less damaging than chopsticks. A better suggestion, from a friend of mine, was some diluted vinegar.
...my goddamned armpit.
Acoording to some herps I know, some snakes get nuts about sweat and human smell, so I assume this is what happened. The weird thing is that he wasn't coiled or tensed; just hanging out in my lap like he usually does. I guess he's hungrier than I thought. Or crazy.
I have a collection of thoroughly unimpressive punctures in my pit, and on one of the fingers I was using to hold his jaw. I was a little worried at first that the blood was his, but he doesn't seem to be phased, much less physically wounded.
So maybe I sweat mice. But this is the best reason I've ever encountered to wear anti-perspirant religiously. I just took a shower last night, even.