This notice is effective as of August 26th, 2002.
Much though I love receiving e-mail, I am now so overwhelmed by the number of unsolicited bulk e-mail and people who want me to look at their e-mail offerings that I am now forced to charge €25 for each unsolicited bulk email or offer to "buy this report" or "look at this stock" or similar (as deemed similar by myself) I receive, plus an additional €25 bandwidth fee per email for HTML formatting or file attachments, charged on your behalf to your ISP if you do not pay within 30 days or, in the case of non-Finnish companies or individuals, to your country's Finnish embassy. I also charge €25 for testing your "unsubscribe" or "opt-out" utility, which is a great bargain since so few of them actually work as promised, and I know you want yours to operate properly.
Please don't claim I "opted in" or "subscribed" to your bulk e-mail. I didn't, and don't try to claim I did, because we both know you're lying. "Someone else must have subscribed you" is not valid, either. If you choose not to use a double opt-in (subscription confirmation) system, you are being rude to people who are being subscribed to your bulk e-mail lists by someone else without permission, and you should be grateful that I am only charging you so little in return for pointing out a major flaw in your system so you can correct it instead of letting you keep on being stupid and ignorant until you get black holed or your ISP cuts off your service due to complaints (and believe me, I will use your ISP's abuse e-mail address for every single unsolicited bulk e-mail you send me). In addition, if you sell/sold any of my personal information, including but not limited to my name, email address, website address or any other personally identifiable information, as part of any kind of sales transaction or contact database transfer without my express, written permission in advance, I will charge you €5 royalty per piece of information per copy sold. It's my name and information, pal, not yours. Capice?
All charges are "plus €25 per hour trackdown and collection fees" with a minimum charge of 2 hours and do not include court or other related costs, so when you get my bill please pay it promptly.
If you cannot abide by these Terms of Service, do not send me unsolicited bulk e-mail. If you choose to send me unsolicited bulk e-mail, you accept these terms automatically. Remember, you are the one who initiated the transaction, not me. I did not ask you to send me unsolicited bulk e-mail (If I did, it wouldn't be unsolicited).
Let's see if this has any effect whatsoever on the amount of spam I receive (I added a URL to a webpage containing this text in my e-mail signature). Used and modified with permission from Robin Miller (http://roblimo.com/)