So, I'm walking to the shops the other day, and I see this old lady waiting to cross the road.

Of course, I come over with the existential dilemma of "should I help her across and secure eternal good karma, or leave her and not look like a prat?"

And then, for a split second of guilt, I rate my chances of scoring her.

But I eventually decide to leave her alone, and go into the shop.

But then I come out, after buying the new FHM, and I see that the old lady has been hit by a car, and she's lying kinda awkwardly on her face.

So I feel all bad, and move in to get a better look.

But then they roll her over, and even though her head is all messed up and it's difficult to see anything, I realise that it wasn't an old lady at all.

It was a clown in a bikini.

So I felt much better after that, 'cos I'd hate for an old lady to die because of me.