Tonight I seal it up and lock it away. For once I thought I had things figured out, I didn't think it was possible in life to figure things out, and now I know that my first instinct was on the money. Life isn't something to be figured out, it goes on and happens. If you try and understand it, try to deal with it all that happens is you get hurt. It's like trying to guess the number someone is thinking between one and infinity. It's not impossible but it is improbable.

It's not sunny ever day, and there are bumps on every road. There's always something that can set you back, that's the way life is. - MMB

But if you learn from it and move on you can be happy. I find it easier to put my thoughts to words with a song going in the background to help me. The song that helped me here is a mighty mighty bosstones song called Bad News And Bad Breaks.

My father, mother all the older wiser people in my life have told me these things before. I wouldn't believe it, I figured I could be different. I pride myself on being different whenever I feel I want to be. I thought I wanted to fit in, fill in the empty space inside. Have someone to help me do this, I don't want to be empty... nobody does. Life screws people over and if they want to use that as an excuse to go on living a shity life then thats there choice. I cannot condone this, if someone goes through hardship and learns from it and is better for it then they deserve life. Those who not only don't learn but spread their bullshit to others do not deserve to live, these people I despise and one such being shall one day have the wrath of good tear into him and destroy all that he was and ever will be, eliminating him not only from the present and future but from all of existence as is known or ever will be known. Once this has been done the anger in my soul will subside. Until such time I shall put my everything into destroying this evil wherever it shows its ugly face.

So much has been lifted from my soul, some of it I wish I could keep. It cannot be, trivial material and physical things linger.... I don't know what I want but I beleive that deep down in my sould during my journey through life I shall find what I seek.