Wow ...

Had two friends from home come to visit me yesterday. My friend Dennis and my ex, George. Weirdness abounded ...

George and I broke up almost two years ago, but we were stupid and didn't really, exactly "break up". We were moving to opposite sides of the United States (Maryland and Washington) and neither one of us was really into a long distance relationship. So, we said we'd see what happens when we were both back for Christmas break.

The last real conversation that I had with him was the night before he left for college. Almost two years ago.

I loved him. I loved him a lot and he was my first real love. It wasn't easy to kind of give up the way we did. I guess that I sometimes still wonder if we could have made it. Probably not.

But I missed him. I missed talking to him, having real conversations about things that we both cared about. He was my intellectual equal, my friend before he was ever my boyfriend.

When they came, I was worried he would ... well, be the way he has been for the last two years. That he would make sure not to sit next to me, so that I wouldn't think he was leading me on. Not have any real conversations, nothing personal with me, and just talk about getting drunk and stupid shit that he'd done.

We had real talks. He finally told me about the girlfriend that he started dating a couple of months after we broke up. He's never even said her name in front of me. I saw pictures of Monica and he told me how much he loved her.

And I was happy for him. Really happy for him.

I can't say that I don't still love him. I don't think you ever get over your first love completely. But I'm not in love with him anymore. I'm just glad to have my friend back.