"I want to go to work tonight, but it's going to be so boring!" She exclaims as I sit across the table from her at the coffee shop. "When I left, there were like 60 girls, and only 30 or so guys."

"So are you gonna go back?" I ask, hoping she'd say no, and we could sit here and have one of our unusually intellectiul conversations.

"Yeah, but I was hoping to have some company there to talk to."

Whoa. I've never been to a strip club, let alone a ``nice'' one. Looking over at Gihran, he's all about it. Even trying to find the quickest way to get a to-go-box for his food, so we can leave.

"Sure. We'll go." I say, not knowing what I was about to get into.

"Ok, I'll meet you there." Is the last we heard from her until we actually got to the club. She knows that Gihran and I need to stop and get beer, cigarettes, and money.

Ghihran and I hop into his Ford Explorer, pop in some Gorillaz, and head off to the store to get the aforementioned goods.

As we pull off the side road from the cafe, we Immediately run into bumper to bumper traffic.

"Why the hell do they do this?" Gihran asks.

"Not sure..I'm still convinced the road crews have some sort of contract out with the state to tear up every road at least twice a year." I reply.

"Well, we can cut through the park, and get around this mess." He says as we steer off into an alley that leads into the park.

We make it to the gas station in a record length of time, get a 6er of Shiner Bock, and get ready to head back towards downtown. About half the way down the main drag, I look over to him and ask "Are you going to hit that?"

"Hit what?" he asks me, puzzled. At that same moment, we go over a large mound of ground asphault. "Oh, where the hell did that come from?"

I simply shrug, and begin pondering what has yet to come.

"So," I start off, " this will be my first time at a strip club."

"Really?" he asks in disbelief.

"Indeed. Is there anything I should know before we get there?"

"Well," he begins, " If you see something you really like being done on stage, slide her a single. If you see a girl you would like to get a lap dance from, It's fifteen bucks, and it's about ten minutes long."

"Should I tip her as well?" I ask.

"Most definately."

We arrive at the club, and at this point, It appears to be packed. We find a parking space in the satellite parking area down the alley.

As we get to the door, we are greeted by a guy in a white button-down shirt and a bowtie.

"Ifs you needs anytings at all, lets me know." he says with an accent and a smile.

The doors open. Women are dancing on stage, and on two mini-stages in the back of the place. The music is loud. There are more bare breasts in this one place than I have ever seen at once, anywhere.

"Uhm, so where should we sit?" I ask Gihran, my psuedo-guide.

"I don't really see anywh...ah ha. There's Cleo, she can help us find a seat." he says looking around like a hawk trying to find some prey.

"Thank you both for coming here with me. Although it looks busy, there is still a two-to-one ratio of women to men tonight, so I'm probably going to be bored most of the time. Let's go sit." she says calmly, and we sit down."

We chat for a bit, and I become distracted by the pole tricks being performed on the center stage.

"Would you like to buy the lady a drink?" I'm suddenly asked by a woman, dressed like the man at the door before.

Cleo whispers "Just say no" into my ear, and I turn around and pass on the friendly "No, thanks." to the lady, and she dissapears.

"One of the first things you'll learn is this: The girls working here, are vultures. If you don't want something, don't try to be nice and pretend you're pondering it, just say No, and they will move on." she says, smiling.

"Thank you. I'll keep that in mind."

"Could I Please have all the lovely ladies here tonight please come to the center stage." A voice announces over the sound system."

Cleo dissapears, and all of the dancers parade around the center stage.

"What's this about?" I ask Gihran.

"It's a club ass-parade. They show you the girls, so you can decide if you want to get a dance from them."


Right after the ``ass-parade'', we are approached by a tall, skinny girl, in an extremely short shirt, and a thong.

"Would you like a dance?" she asks both of us.

We answered with an syncronus "No, thank you."

"Oh, ok, you two must be like me. Dick only." she mouths at us and walks away.

"Well, that's a way NOT to get a dance from us." I say to Gihran. He nods.

We are asked a few more times, and finally, one girl sits down with us. Her name is Sadie. I'm quite suprised, she didn't ask us to dance, she didn't harass us, just sat down to chat with us. I found this extremely cool.

Sadie had only been working as a dancer for a month. She was extremely beautiful in that whole goth-indrustrial/schoolgirl kinda way. From talking with her, it appeared she didn't need anyting more than just someone to talk to, just as Cleo did.

Before long, Sadie hit the center stage. I was in awe. The girl seemed to have raw skill, or was lying about only doing this a month, or something. There appeared to be a green and white carpet growing under her on that stage.

"Get up there and tip her, you dumbass." Gihran blurted out of nowhere.

"Shut up and let him take in the scenery and get a feel for the place." Said Cleo, coming to my rescue.

Saying nothing, I turn back round to wach Sadie do her thing. Before long, it was over, and she moved to one of the satelites, as Cleo took the main stage. Now, knowing Cleo ahead of time, and knowing she would help me learn, I joined Gihran at the edge of the stage.

Not sure what to do, I pull out a dollar bill, and flash it at Cleo. She comes over, places it into my mouth, and I suddenly get breasts in my face, smashing together, and the dollar is gone. Cleo smiles at me, and continues dancing.

We tip again, and her dance is over. This is the point I see Sadie dancing on a satelite, and decide to go enjoy her show a little closer this time.

I get over there, and Sadie gives me an ear licking, breast smothering, ass slapping good time. I tip her well.

Upon returning to my seat, We are greeted by Kylie. Now, Gihran and I do not know her name at this point, so he begins by thanking her for not hitting him in the face.

"Last time I was here, a girl with red hair, I think her name was Kylie, punched me in the face after taking the buck out of my mouth." he says to her.

I notice her bite her lip and begin to giggle.

"Thank you for not hitting me like that. "

"What's your name?" she asks him.

"Gihran." he responds, "and yours?"

"I'm Kylie." she says and begins to giggle again.

At this point, I'm enjoying watching Gihran attempt to remove his foot from his mouth, and apparently, Kylie is enjoying the show as much as I.

They begin to talk, as Cleo comes over. Gihran was origionally going to get a dance with Cleo, but decides on Kylie instead. He expresses this to Cleo, and she wanders off again.

I see Sadie coming my way. She's asking about giving dances on the way over, and everyone appears to be shutting her down. Mind you, we had been saying no all night, but everyone there knew we were there with Cleo, so they didn't honestly expect us to say yes. (Well, most of them didn't.)

Sadie comes over to me, I look up and smile at her.

"Would you like a dance?" she asks.

Now, I've been hearing this all night, and it was about to drive me crazy, but for this one girl, my response was, "Yes. I'd love one."

I leave my coat, phone, and beer with Gihran, and head off to a sofa, led there by Sadie.

We get into the booth, I remove my hat, and my keys, and place them on a table beside the sofa. As she's getting undressed, I become a little nervous.

"This is my first time to a strip club, and my first lap dance. " I blurt out to her.

She smiles, gives me a hug, and says "Don't worry. I'll take good care of you."

Oh and she did. The dance she gave me was honestly the best psuedo-sex I've ever had. I kept smiling at her, and giving slight facial expressions to let her know I enjoyed what she was doing. She would smile back at me, making eye contact, and occasionally giggle.

After she finished, and she sat down to put her clothes back on, I couldn't help but try to get to know her.

"So, do you hang out anywhere when you're not working?" I ask.

"Nope. I only come here." She said, as if it was a stock response.

"Oh well. I was hoping to get to know the real you sometime. If you ever decide you want to get out, I hang out at Cafe Coco." I say, a slight bit dissapointed.

"Really?" she begins, "I live right by there, I'm actually there quite often." she says smiling at me.

"Yeah, I'm almost a permanent fixture. Next time you're there, look for me, I'd love to chat with you when you have more time."

"I'll do that," she said, sounding sincere this time. "Oh yea, before we get done here, I gotta collect fifteen for the dance."

"No problem. I have exactly fifteen dollars. Here ya go. Sorry I don't have enough to tip you." I say.

"That's ok, you've tipped me well tonight already. Besides, I get ten out of the fifteen."

"Ok, Thank you again for a wonderful experience." I say to her, and she gives me a huge hug, and a kiss on the cheek.

Upon returning to my seat, Gihran gives me one of his evil smiles.

"Yes, I had a good time." I respond to his unspoken query.

"Good," he says. "Watch my stuff."

Cleo sits back down, as Gihran goes off with Kylie to get a dance.

"I just had my first lap dance," I tell her, not realizing that Sadie was behind me.

"Yeah, I got to take his strip club virginity." she says, and we all begin to giggle.

Cleo gets up to float one more time before heading out, and as Sadie gets up, she whispers me her real name.

"Don't tell anyone here my real name, but if you see me at the cafe, you'll know what to call me now." she said, smiling. "I meet hundreds of people here a night, so please don't be offended if I don't remember you right off the bat."

"Understandable." I say, "I'll be sure to remember you, though."

She smiles, and walks off to the dancers 'area' behind the stage.

A few minutes later, Gihran returns, Kylie in hand, and sits down.

"Did you punch him?" I ask Kylie, playfully.

"No. I was nice to him. This time." She replied in the same demeanor.

Kylie had to go; she was beckoned for a dance from someone else. Gihran and I prepared to leave, and we saw Cleo, fully dressed again, just as when we came in.

We left, and headed back to the cafe.

"So, did you have a good time?" Gihran asks on the trip back.

"Indeed. I had a great time." I said.


We all arrive back at the cafe, have a glass or two of water, and head to our respective homes.

Moral of the story:

All in all, just as someone can be afraid of losing his or her sexual virginity, I was uncertain, and similarily afraid of my first visit to a strip club. However, just like it feels good when you willingly lose your sexual virginity, this experience was not far from the same way. And hey, I might have made a friend out of the deal, too.:)