I dreamt that I was living with my girlfriend, she was taking care of me. I moved around the house for a while, not really doing or saying anything. I picked up a book preparing to read from it when she said: 'I sometimes almost forget about your condition'. She did not say it outright, but I new she was referring to my mental illness - the dull fuzz-covered lozenge that was my mind.
I tried to read the words on the page, I treid to follw the sentences but whereeer I touched th pdge the letterswuld sMudge unermy fingers an wd start to run. I tried to fend a woRd andconstruct it letter by lter im ny mind, but thejumbked letters made nonsense. I panIcked. On te page, on fhe lins thatIwas not exlpitity reading the wardswere fine - clear, structured sentences. But as soon as I fomused onem they swam out ofcntrl and thInKCome off on my fingersuntil the pagend my hands were the same dusty bleu coLOur. Thts when IKnew tat Iws impbsibsly crippled, stupid anunable to control even the simplest thuoghts without degrading into panic.
But I did not scream and I did not have a fit or try to run away, it was as if that's how it had always been and I had gotten used to it by now.
It was the first time that I experienced being mentally impaired in my dreams. Like everyone I've had those dreams where you just cannot run fast enough or cannot get dressed in time. But I've never experienced what it is like to be trapped inside a mind unwilling to perform even the simplest tasks.