All men are the bad conscience of our age

Today I built the very first of the last of them.

I don't think I did such a great soldering job, but in this situation, form over function doesn't exactly hold water.

The others were tested, of course, re-tested, calibrated, recalibrated. I got a few tips from the cookbook, but most of it I just kind of winged. You would be quite surprised how little fertilizer it takes to put a car three feet over your head. Got some cordite, wound it up tight. The hardest part was the timers. Tried some alarm clocks, but they've only got a 24 hour lead time. No good. But a VCR's got all kinds of lead time. Found some good two-heads at a local junk shop. Guy asked me if I was going to "tape every channel." I just laughed and asked him what his favorite program was (Dukes of Hazzard). If they ever get close, I'll have to take care of business.

Funny story: once I thought I had set one for 6 PM. Went to bed and was rudely awakened at 6 AM. At least it was a success - I couldn't find a single piece of the ResusciAnnie. Now I triple check everything. You can't be too careful.

I picked the perfect day: February 14. I think it's that one day when people really let their guard down, when optimism overrides almost everything. You check your mail and lo and behold! A package, neatly wrapped in white, addressed to you.

The registry came in handy. I printed out every last entry, cut up the papers, posted them on the wall. Turned them into a dartboard - I'm still working on my aim, I'm always a little left. The rest of it, I think I've got the hang of.

Still, a few more practice runs couldn't hurt. Maybe we'll try some Ballistite this time. They say it doesn't have such a noticeable odor. But you know what they say about what they say...