There’s this girl, right. And she was admitted to hospital yesterday. Mum reckons what’s wrong is hardly life threatening, but still I am concerned for her. (Serious enough to need an operation, I think. But she’ll be out in a few days, probably.) She’s still there, as far as I know.
I’ve known her for a little while. First encountered her a few years back, but mainly the last four months or so have I communicated with her seriously. Gotten to know her via the ’net. I hope she won’t end up reading this—everything is not one of the websites that she frequents. I scribble a weblog elsewhere that she would read though.
Why should I not visit her today?
She will probably have her boyfriend with her all day. That’s why.
And if she doesn’t, there are hundreds of people that she knows that would visit her. Her sisters, parents, friends she’s known for years longer than me, work-mates, ex-boyfriends. The list continues. There’s no reason to think she’d want a visit from me.
Seems a good enough reason to not visit her too me. For some reason, the fact that she has a boyfriend affects me--I have a hard time coping.
I tried to ring her; she didn’t answer. Hello Mrs. Voicemail. The paranoid in me thinks she didn’t answer after seeing my number on caller-id.
I don’t know if she’d want me to visit unannounced. I would not like to get in the way.
The problem is that I tell myself that I care about her; I’ve even told her that I care. And I do care about her. I would not like to see her get into trouble.
She has said that I am a good friend. And she doesn’t mean it in the let's just be friends cliché.
There is a line, and I don't think I can stop myself from going over it. Thus, I must stay well clear of the line.
I would love to go over that line, but that just would not be right, so I cannot.
I am in danger of walking too close to that line; I must go back to what I know; back to my world of turing machines.
I am in danger of loving her.