Jared, this is unacceptable
I'm feeling guilty because I realize that there's no way I can explain the communication gaff between Zot and myself where my travel plans to Atlanta are concerned. My original intent was to go to Atlanta for PeopleSoft training and it started to become something that could be turned into an E2 mini meeting (at least for me)... Zot was planning to meet me there as well as others so it looked like a good time... however, we got our dates screwed up and he made his plans for the weekend after my classes, then planned his E2 party for the weekend I would be gone...We'd planned on doing this for a while and it seems rather frustrating that I can't fix it...
Hell, I'm dreading the flight now... it's going to be worse because I don't have anything to look forward to once I get there. I had a dream the other night that I was going to have to take the place of someone on the space shuttle... I was fine with it at first until I remembered that I didn't even like to fly... what the hell was I doing on a shuttle trip? How the hell could I get out of it at this short notice? Could I call in sick? I don't think it mattered anyway, I was going to be on the goddamn flight and that was it... I woke up before it took off and I woke up relieved...
See, I'm terrible at travel, I've never taken a train or subway (hell, not even a Greyhound) and my hotel is across town at Buckhead... I'm looking at the MARTA map right now and I feel my stomach sink... I hate new places sometimes because I'm not very adventurous by myself. I went to Chicago last year and got to rent a car to get around - that wasn't too bad because I feel comfortable in a car by myself... I can listen to Travis and Radiohead and feel soothed in my surroundings. I had a friend there who hung out with me and we talked and laughed until we were in tears, he ate some good Thai curry with me (and in a way, that's all I really want soemtimes- conversation, food, laughter)... he made me feel more comfortable in my own skin - but he always does.
Zot told me a tale about being in Chicago and missing his flight, taking a train out to nowhere and walking for a long time in the dark... I'm not sure if I could do that (I guess I could if I didn't have a choice)... I know how bad I am when I try to do things in my life alone... I remember how ridiculous I feel when I go from place to place by myself... I want a pill that will make me comfortable in a crowd, I want a pill that will make me straight, I want a pill that will make me feel like I haven't let my friends down because of poor planning... I know, that's far too simple- and that pill (at least for me) would be far too addictive... addictive to feel comfortable in a crowd, to be able to dance alone on a crowded dance floor, to be able to sit in on a crowded bus and not look at my shoes, not stare out the window not obsess in my book... what a pathetic, lonely figure I can be... I must change that... I have to change that... It's unacceptable not to...
So I'll propose this, if you're in Atlanta June 2nd - 5th and you see some nerdy guy with brownish blond hair, glasses and a large dragon tattoo on the side of his right calf stop me and make me talk to you, make me do something I wouldn't normally do... at the very least It would be nice to meet someone from E2 on the fly like that... In any case, I think that going to Atlanta and meeting no one and seeing nothing would be unacceptable... at the very least grab me by the shoulders and point me in the direction of some good Thai curry.