Today I've come to a realization. If I don't graduate from college, my life is meaningless. My life plan, my destiny, revolved around a cushy, high paying job. The kind you get from graduating from college. After that, the many things I imagined, the wife, the kids, the vacations, the retirement, all revolved around one simple accomplishment. So what happens if I can't do it? If I'm unable, through my own personal shortcomings, I will become a pointless reservation of space. I don't want to wallow in Jal, NM for the rest of my days working at the convenience store. I may as well be dead at that point, as much good as that would do me. God knows I'd never have children, forcing them to be raised in the hungry squalor of near-poverty that I was raised in. I could never do that to a child, especially my own. But in less than a week I must convince a panel of strangers that I have the willpower and dedication to complete college, to appeal my suspension. How can I convince them when I cannot convince myself? I don't know if I can do it. This last year has taken every bit of faith I had in myself academically and flushed it down the crapper. I'm either too lazy or in over my head. Lazy I can overcome. In over my head means I made a bad choice that will destroy my life forever. Which one of these it is will determine my fate.