I am in a group of young people that is following a band that is on tour. Supposedly this band is an offshoot of Black Flag, with Greg Ginn being renamed Greg Alternative. I tried to talk to one of the people near me but he refused to acknowledge me.

Then Björk had this new album come out. The cover art was a picture of a Buddha statue with a red and blue robe on. The back of the album had all the track titles and numbers and running times, but they were all out of order. An old man approached me and told me that if I bought a biscuit from him, it would unscramble the titles on the CD. So I bought it from him.

Lo and behold, Björk was at my house. She was holding three free tickets to her concert and said that the biggest Björk fan in the household would get them. So I approached her and said to her that obviously I was the biggest Björk fan in not only the household, but probably one of the biggest fans in the whole county. So she tells me to prove it. So I sing some lines from various songs of hers. I think I offended her by replying too curtly to a question of hers, so I ended up not getting the tickets. Drat.

I am in a record store buying the new Björk album. I get home, and remember the old man's biscuit. I get the biscuit and break it open. I discover a turd.

The turd does not tell me anything. It does not unscramble the track titles. All it does is smell bad.