Oh god, what a day.
I woke up about 7, and my mom said she was going back to bed, she didn't feel well. Fine, I thought, and I got up. Got on my computer, went to Google News to print off an article for a Current Event for my U.S. History class.
Mister Rogers was dead.
Mister Rogers, the man I grew up with, singing "Won't You Be My Neighbor" was dead of stomach cancer. I immediately thought I was having a bad lucid dream, and thus tried to will this off my screen, get this horrible awful bad thing away from me. I was not ready for this sort of thing. I crawled back into my bed for about ten minutes, absolutely refusing to face reality.
Ten minutes later, I went back to the computer. He was still dead. I printed the article for my current event and got ready for school, put my clothes on, ate some cereal. T came over, I told him the news. He didn't really react all that much. I suppose Fred didn't mean as much to him. Maybe I was just dreaming after all. We took off to school.
We got to school and I sat down. Someone asked me how I was this morning and I said wait, and I looked in my briefcase and there was the article. Mister Rogers was still dead. I closed my briefcase and put it on the floor and said "He's dead. Mister Rogers is dead" and just absolutely lost it.
I am not the kind of person who cries. I didn't shed a tear when I heard about my grandmother passing, I didn't when I heard about the World Trade Center, I didn't care at all when I heard about our people carpet-bombing cities in the middle-east, nor did I bother much when a wonderful black cat that I had ran away because it was afraid of my sister.
I practically bawled my eyes out, in a quiet sort of way. This man was the very embodiment of everything in the world that I had faith in. My revelation on how people aren't so bad and how love is pretty much all we have is thanks to two people: W, and Mister Rogers.
Someone, I think it was I, said something about how he was an evil child molester because he took off his suitcoat and shoes and changed into sneakers and I absolutely lost it. I don't remember how many times I swung, but I remember connecting at least once, while half-sobbing something between "FUCK YOU!" and "Do NOT fucking speak ill of the fucking departed, motherfucker!" I think I connected once. W and A both tried to comfort me. A talked about how she could understand, because when she first met N, it was N walking up to her and asking her if she thought Mister Rogers was a child molester and she said no, Mister Rogers is one of the best people in the world. W remarked on how I really was a six year old at heart. I took it as a compliment. I was not taking this very well, though.
Eventually the first period bell rang and after a minute or so, I tried to compose myself and walked down to English. I spent most of the period buried in my own arms.
The rest of the day passed as sort of a blur. I was okay by lunchtime, okay meaning that I could walk around and talk to people without bursting out crying. I had History right after lunch. I went to the Co-op with W and H I got some chips and ginger ale, went back to school and wrote my current event.
Someone started talking about how Mister Rogers was creepy and a stripper and it was all I could do to not tackle her and gouge out her hateful, soulless eyes. The class eventually got over and I went and hung out at Mikey's with W, B, and R. D and H came over later on, along with D's girlfriend. We talked for a while, ate chips and salsa, and I eventually went home and did my drivers' education homework.
M was at drivers' ed. and we talked for a while before the teacher got here. P is coming back, he's staying with B and it's going to be good. None of us have seen P for a while.
I got out of drivers ed. and went to the front of the school to get picked up by mom. K was there, having ran all the lights and whatnot for the talent show. She was there this morning and saw me absolutely fall apart and she asked me how I was doing. I told her that I felt like my childhood was over and she stood up and gave me a hug, something that I had needed really badly. If I didn't love W so much, I swear I would fall like a brick for K.
I got home and went downstairs and started daylogging and called W, but she was watching a movie and said she would call back. I wrote for a while, talked with S on MSN for a little while and W called me back. I talked for a little while before just saying that I couldn’t really talk tonight and she said good night I love you see you tomorrow and I said the same and finished the daylog.
I'm now holding back tears, writing this before I go to bed. I hope tomorrow will be better. I hope nobody will die and everyone will solve their differences and be happy.
Please. For Fred's sake?