Walking down the street yesterday, I ran
into Sara, whom I haven't seen in 3 years.
I was uncomfortable.
I couldn't
remember what I'd been like, back then. I
didn't know whether I'd shown her the softie,
the bitch, the intellectual, the JAP. I
don't know which of the screens she'd seen through.
It'd be nice to think I have enough
self-confidence to stick with one image.
But I know me, and I know I project different
personalities in different situations. Sometimes
I'm not entirely natural. Sometimes I'm too frank,
sometimes blatantly dishonest. And meeting people
out of context scares me as much as meeting
new people. Sometimes more.
What if I was
sassy, perky, vibrant last time? Because now
I'm with someone who brings out the subdued in
me. What if I was quiet, watchful, full of
sharp, biting comments? Because tonight I'm giddy,
full of repressed energy, laughing, drinking, dancing.
I don't trust people enough to share myself
completely.
I think if I keep bits of me hidden, I'll
be safer.
I like to think I can hide behind myself.
Meeting people out of context puts me on edge;
I don't know which self to hide behind.