< pms >
< hissy fit >
< ignore >
I am tired, and you know this already, because I ONLY SAY IT EVERY OTHER TIME I OPEN MY MOUTH TO TALK. Damn you, damn everyone, and you know this too. I am going to fall, fast and hard, and you know tihs too. I don't want to fall.
Why are we all so troubled?
You know what? Fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this and this and this.
Blahblahblahblah. It was so easy, once, to say something when I spoke. It was easier, only it was blah blah blah.
It's just noise. All of it.
It may be a truth and it may be profound and it may just be crap. I do not want your damn crummy votes. Take them elsewhere. And I don't even mean this, because if I do, why am I here?
Is it because my walkman is no longer loud enough? Because my throat is raw and my voice hoarse from shouting things nobody hears? Because I have no books left to throw at the mirror?
I like my red shoes. You need to know this. Today I got a haircut, and bought me a package of 60 bulldog clips, just because I like playing with the silver wing thingits. You need to know this. You need to know all of it. I want to take everyone I know by the hand and point to my username and point to my write-ups and say: This is me. You need to know this.
Sometimes (I'm always talking about sometimes and one day and another place). Sometimes I will read and read and read these words, and I will blink until the lump is so big I can no longer swallow it. Sometimes everyone is someone I need to hug, just to feel contact. Just because they spoke. Sometimes this place is too full of everything, my own everything along with everyone else's, and sometimes, today, it is all just a jumble of repetitiveness. Especially myself. I am repetitive.
It's all just noise.
I almost wish I could downvote every single one of my non-factual write-ups. Who the hell is interested in more of the same shit? And not who, but why? It's all just words, you know that, right? The world breaks everyone and I can't even pretend that I've been scratched, let alone bruised. Maybe a little muddied, that's all.
You don't need to know this.
< /ignore >
< /hissy fit >
< /pms >
I need a beer. I'm going to sleep.