Yesterday I came in to work, didn't do much of that but wrote a node, Why I'm at the office on a Sunday.

So here I am, it's Monday, I have a shitload of work to do, and I want to die.

As usual, I'm bitching about this job I have, which I probably could do, and probably would like, if I had chosen it for myself.

My sister tells me:
'You can do the job.'
I cry and tell her,
But I cant do the person

And am at a loss to describe any further.
She is one of the people I am acting this farce for, one of the people I hide from.

I should blow them all off and start finding out what I want, but I'm not ready to risk everything, lose it all.
I'm not seeking to throw it all away but to find my balance within the framework.

I am dying slowly, or conversly, I am simmering internally, and it's only a matter of time, (how much?) until I blow, or expire.

And now, I turn back to the task I have in front of me.
I am not going to lose it this week, I am going on vacation on Sunday, that's just 5 more workdays to get through, one more week of family to talk to, one more week of farce to live, until I take a break...