I really shouldn't be writing this node
, I should
be working on this program that I need to finish before I take a 3 week leave of absence.
I wonder whether my boss will make me cancel my trip to Israel if I don't get this done by Friday. He may try. Indeed he may, in which case I will likely say something very disrespectful and have no job waiting for me when I return.
We had a meeting last Wednesday, spoke to the client, worked out the details of where I'm to go with this worthless pile of code I started with. It was really clear when we finished, so I came back to my cube, and noded something or other.
That was Wednesday.
I don't know what happened to Thursday. Friday? Never noticed it at all.
The shit will hit the fan this Tuesday, probably. They'll want a demo, or run a few tests and I have diddly-squat for them.
Get off your ass, bitch. Do some WORK.
I don't understand the compulsion that drives me to ignore the task I have in front of me. I don't know why I won't focus - it's not like I'm doing much otherwise. One or two nodes, maybe, so even E2 isn't where all my time has gone.
Maybe my subconsiousness is trying to send me a /msg.'Hey, Jane...You are trying to get fired so you won't have to quit.'
Shut up.'You just want an excuse to back out of life'
SHUT UP, I SAID!
My subconsiousness is much smarter than I will ever be.
But I still need to get this work done - I can't quit, I need to eat, pay the rent, stay warm.
Life doesn't hand out exemption passes just like that. It doesn't matter whether I wake up every morning and ask myself 'when am I an adult?', because I am a grownup, grownup isn't about fun but being practical while retaining your sanity and sense of humor.
So get to work, Jane.