I really shouldn't be writing this node, I should be working on this program that I need to finish before I take a 3 week leave of absence.

I wonder whether my boss will make me cancel my trip to Israel if I don't get this done by Friday. He may try. Indeed he may, in which case I will likely say something very disrespectful and have no job waiting for me when I return.

We had a meeting last Wednesday, spoke to the client, worked out the details of where I'm to go with this worthless pile of code I started with. It was really clear when we finished, so I came back to my cube, and noded something or other.

That was Wednesday.

I don't know what happened to Thursday. Friday? Never noticed it at all.

The shit will hit the fan this Tuesday, probably. They'll want a demo, or run a few tests and I have diddly-squat for them.

Get off your ass, bitch. Do some WORK.

I don't understand the compulsion that drives me to ignore the task I have in front of me. I don't know why I won't focus - it's not like I'm doing much otherwise. One or two nodes, maybe, so even E2 isn't where all my time has gone.

Avoidance tactics.

Maybe my subconsiousness is trying to send me a /msg.

'Hey, Jane...You are trying to get fired so you won't have to quit.'
Shut up.
'You just want an excuse to back out of life'

My subconsiousness is much smarter than I will ever be.

But I still need to get this work done - I can't quit, I need to eat, pay the rent, stay warm.

Life doesn't hand out exemption passes just like that. It doesn't matter whether I wake up every morning and ask myself 'when am I an adult?', because I am a grownup, grownup isn't about fun but being practical while retaining your sanity and sense of humor.

So get to work, Jane.


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