Friday the 13th
scares the shit out of me this month. I just know I've forgotten something horrible I was expecting to happen to me, and now it will probably come true. Probably a large number of things I've forgotten about will all come to pass.
July 12, 4:15pm: My roommate (as soon as I move into the new place, this Saturday) was supposed to call Sunday to ask me about getting a ride back from the airport on Monday or Tuesday. I've heard nothing from him in over a week and he's not at the apartment, and today I realize that rather than being dead or hospitalized, the damn fool probably got busted for possession while staying with his folks in Dallas. Having given up on the possibility that I'll hear anything from him while he's in jail, I call his parent's house and find out from his mother that he's en route to Tucson as we speak.
July 11, 8:00pm: I check my email, hoping to hear something from Jeeves, who is returning to America very soon. Instead, I find a letter from a former music professor. He may be going into the recording studio next week, and he says to call him on Monday. I emailed him over a week ago asking if he still needed an assistant in the recording studio (he mentioned this to the class on the day of our final, two months ago), and had just today realized that he hadn't replied in over a week, and that that opportunity was probably shot.
July 5, 6:00pm: I check my email to see if my former music professor has responded yet, and instead find correspondence from Jeeves, after realizing earlier today that he probably wouldn't be sending me any mail now that he was somewhere in Sweden
July 3, 7:00pm: A guy who's looking for a second guitarist for his band calls and asks if I can come jam on Thursday. A week earlier, he'd called in reponse to my voice mail (in response to his flyer) and said they were thinking of playing *that* Thursday, and that he'd call me back before then. He didn't call me back until after I gave up on the idea, sometime on July 3.
June 29, 8:00pm: I get a call from the ERP lab in the Psychology department, and they ask me if I'd like to participate in an experiment next Tuesday. I'd called in a week earlier to say I was interested in being a guinea pig. Earlier that day, I saw the flyer for the experiment again and noticed the age range it listed was 20-25. Since I'm 18, and I'd said so over the phone, I'd figured I was out of luck (ie, they wouldn't call me back).
June 28, 2:30pm: I put out of my mind all my prior bad luck with members of the opposite sex and ask the cute girl from my class to go to lunch with me. She replies, after a moment's hesitation: "Well... I'm married."
My roommate told me once that to make something happen, you have to focus your mental energy on making it happen, and then forget about it. He's unaware, but his explanation actually beared some resemblence to explanations of magick that I've been reading about lately.
Earlier in the year, I was starting to convince myself that every belief system was just a fiction invented to justify one's actions and morals. Now I find myself thinking that believing in anything will cause it to become true. (maybe that's just because I'm a brain in a jar, and the evil scientist who owns the jar can read my thoughts, and has a fucked up sense of humor when he sits down to construct my reality)