Yeesh, my node's way at the bottom. Hope you didn't load the whole daylog for August 7th just to read mine.

Anyway, I've decided that from now on, the only nodes I write while I'm peaking are going to be daylogs. I had no choice but to nuke 2 of the 3 write-ups I did last time, because they were just so ridiulous. Maybe later, if I'm feeling especially coherent.

So, I've been thinking I should get this one friend of mine to toke sometime in the near future. I suggested it to her briefly a couple nights ago, and quelled her fears of being drug-tested using the hair method; she was unaware that the hair test costs a few hundred dollars, it seems. I informed her that they always do the urine test first, and then if you fail that, and you protest, they'll take the hair test if they have that kind of money. And of course, she'll never do something like smoke when she knows a drug test is coming up (and they don't test at her work anyway). Also, although I didn't mention this to her, I'm going to tell her that she shouldn't just start smoking on a regular basis, or let people know that she's toked before, because as soon as some pothead knows that you've been talked into trying weed, they know they can probably get you to do it again. And plus, too much weed in a short amount of time kind of screws up your priorities. If I'm going to get her into this, I'm going to make sure she doesn't start doing it often enough for her to get herself in trouble. There really isn't much of one, but I'm going to be ultra-sure. So there really is no risk; but if I tell her why I don't want her smoking with other people, she'll get the impression that there is a risk that I'm trying to prevent, and won't want to try. I think it'd be really good for her, though, because she's been really upset lately, and thinking about what some people say to her way too seriously; she needs to have a little bit of mellowing out. She's afraid of not being able to control herself or what's going on around her. All she needs to understand is, it's much easier to just not do anything while stoned. You don't hear of people getting killed in car accidents under the influence of weed, do you? And yet as we all know, everybody fuckin smokes weed; what this means is,

  • most people aren't that damn stupid to drive while stoned
  • most people are too lazy to want to drive anyway
  • Those that have toked so many times that they feel their tolerance is down and they're bored with just chilling... they actually have built up some tolerance, and if they're careful enough, they really have no trouble driving high
Anyway, I've been trying to think up a list of stuff to show her, stuff to have her listen to, to keep her mellow and have it be a cool experience for her. I think I'm going to let one of my dogs in the house after a little while, because he's getting a little old, and is starting to just want somebody to scratch and pet him. After a while, I think I'd also take her outside the house and get her to feed my parent's horses, and pet them for a while. Girls like horses, for whatever reason.

I had a text file I was filling with songs I have that are happy or mellow, but my comp froze last night before I ever bothered to save it (ok, so I didn't actually have a text file, in the sense of the data being stored on the hard drive anywhere; it was just in RAM, just entered into a notepad window). I'm going to attempt to recall the list in this node:

Wow, not bad. I think that's most of them, and it really didn't take much effort to think of each one.

Speaking of things that I've remembered tonight which seemed interesting, I was thinking about the number for my dorm room this semester, how the first time I heard it (***-0385), I thought about how the last four digits seemed familiar for some reason. But I wasn't able to figure out what it was, even over a week later. And I have a pretty good memory as far as remembering numbers goes. As soon as the thought crossed my mind tonight, I remembered that 385 was the number I'd arbitrarily chosen almost a year ago (while high, mind you) as the number of experiences that this asshole I knew from school had gone through in the past summer, while I had only had 19 or so. Shortly after I named a brief piano ditty I'd written over a year earlier 366 (which equals 385 - 19). And so when I saw the name of that song on my winamp playlist, I was suddenly reminded of the significance of the number 385, and thus why my phone number (which ends in 0385) seemed so familiar.

This is such the shit. I'm used to getting stoned with a few other guys, and having to get back to the bedroom across the house in the middle of the night, or else go bowling or shopping (for food, of course) or out to eat while high. My co-worker is so wise - all he ever does while high is chill. And that's the way it should be. He taught me what parts were best to build a pipe out of some of the stuff lying around at work today. He's been there 3 years, he says. So, he knows where everything's at, and how best to do stuff like that. He and this other dude would just stay back there, spend time every day for a couple weeks building a juka once.

Hmm, definitely throw Die to LIve by Steve Vai into the mix. It'd be better if I had some music she listens to... maybe I'll tell her to bring a couple cd's.

She's good to me. She appreciates me. I want to protect her from her demons; I cried the first few times I heard I'll Be Around, and I want to cry every time I hear Tonight, Tonight. I want to be that for her, but I lack the confidence, the suaveness of the world's assholes, and the attractiveness/excitement factor of many other assholes. I have genuine good intent, but that's not good enough, because they lie when they say appearances don't matter, it's what's inside that counts, and I suffer from nice guy complex. I want to pump out these last 20-some write-ups so I can cool nodes like that one. But, I keep writing bad nodes and nuking them, and I keep not having anything to write about besides my double-jointed fingers.

I suffer from writer's block if I actively try to think of music; it works better to just sit there and get carried away in your thoughts, and sounds and words come to you. Not as well as they'd have you believe, of course. I'm happy to say that Horchata was all written while I was sober, and only a small part was written by using theory, the rest of it I used my guts.

Been gone for over an hour now... need to do other useful things. All About Eve by Vai I also want to play for her. Maybe track 19 and a couple others off this FF3 disc.

Have a nice day,