This may not sound like a very socially acceptable thing to say, but I hate the part of my brain that makes me attracted to women. Nature wants me to procreate, and my body wants to procreate, but my logic about these things is completely contradictory. I think that girl is hot, and my body wants to get it on, my I don't want to get it on. Yeah, doing that stuff is fun, and procreating is necessary for the species, but why the fuck DO I have to have these thoughts? Why are we slaves to testosterone?
I have to deprogram myself. I have to make myself stronger, more subjective, more unique.
This part of my brain I'm speaking of is the same part of my brain that describes a man walking down the street as a black guy instead of a guy in a red shirt. He should not be the black guy, he should just be the guy. The fact that he is black doesn't matter to me, but that is the first thing that my mind recognizes. This part of my brain wants me to instinctively kill the spider I saw in the shed yesterday out of fear or dominance or masculinity. I didn't kill the spider, and I won't kill the spider. This part of my brain has been programmed by a combination of society and nature. I have to defeat society- I have to become myself as a whole instead of part of a group I never volunteered to join. I must create my own system of judgements and assessments instead of those that society has imposed upon me. I know I can defeat society.
I know that defeating nature is possible too. However, this will be a daunting task if there ever was one. This is where the deprogramming reaches its pinnacle. Procreation, isolation, protection, selfishness, survival of the fittest- all these things must be abolished in my mind to win. The ultimate test will come when that hypothetical girl walks up to me and talks to me for the first time ever, offering herself to me. I would like to think that I am strong enough to turn her down. If I am successful in my endeavor, I will have the will power. I will be able to control my desires and urges and be able to send her packing.I absolutely hate the fact that I am sexually attracted to you, because I hate you. Physically I want you, but mentally, I will have nothing to do with you, and I value my mind above all else.I will accomplish this conquest of my mind. You could too, if you wanted. Few people know that there are not many things stronger than the sheer determination of the human will.