I'm in a better mood today than the last time I did a daylog. That don't mean I'm in a great mood because I was suicidal last time I did one of these. Not actively suicidal but still thinking about it nonetheless. Thanks to Christopher and of course Ed I'm not doing to bad today. I've got about 45 minutes or so until I have to leave for "work." I've got a job. Sort of. I'm tutoring a little boy. He's my cousin but I'm not sure he even knows that. His father's brother is my step-dad. I can't remember if the kid is in first grade or second grade and if he's 7, 8 or 9 years old. I just started this week and I'm really not sure it's worth it. The kid is a pain. The drive to his house is long and I've gotten lost on the way home both days I've gone down there. I was supposed to start on Monday but I was stupid and forgot about it completly. I started on Tuesday and got there late. I didn't realize how difficult it was and far of a drive for me. Oh well. I'm doing this as a favor. She is going to pay me however. I don't know why I bother though. My step dad told me "It's not like you're ever going to amount to anything anyway." and he's right.
Tommorow I'm going to Universal Studios Hollywood with my family. I'm dreading it very much. First there's the half hour to fourty-five minute drive with my mom, step-dad (who both hate me), my 13 year old sister who's mad because every friend she invited couldn't make it, my 11 year old brother, and his best friend. There's a fun drive for you!Once we get there...oh boy. Lots of walking and argueing. Then eventually we'll have to decide what to eat. There's a HUGE arguement. Just one of those days that seems like it will never end.
I'm close to level four on here now. I'll probably have enough nodes written by monday or tuesday but at least by the end of next week. I have a lot of time on my hands just not very much time of it is with a computer. So I search what I plan to write about, write them at home, in my room at night, then come back and search again and type and link them. I don't exactly lead the most exciting life.
Cookies! Girl scout cookies are here! I bought 3 boxes from my little sister. All of which have way more chocolate than I should have with the way my hands have been lately. Oh well.
So I think I'm a big, fat, ugly pig. It's called low-self esteem and depression and anxiety are all driving me completly insane. I hate life. Life hates me.
So are we tired of hearing my shit yet? Is it time for me to shut up and disappear and not come back? Eventually someone will tell me to go away, and I will. I'll find someplace else to whine until they get sick of me and tell me to go away too. It's a cycle. This isn't new. I'm used to it now. I often overstay my welcome. I just wait now and let someone tell me it's time to leave. Sometimes it's a person that lives inside my head and sometimes it's a person from the internet and sometimes it's a person that I've seen in real life. It doesn't really matter. I always get told to leave anywhere I go.