I normally would be in psychology class at this time, but we had a test tonight. I finished it in about forty minutes, including the time I took to go back over every question and answer twice. It was fairly simple. It was on research methods and I had read the chapter several times, made notes and worked hard to memorize the material. The test itself was 30 multiple-choice questions, 10 true-false questions, and one essay style question. I think I got an A. I knew most of the material and only was unsure on 3 or 4 of the questions. The essay basically said something along the lines of “As a psychologists you want to know if caffeine affects driving ability. Set up an experiment. Be sure to give your hypothesis, independent variable, dependent variable, and any other considerations to make the experiment scientifically sound.” I think I did fairly well on this part. I should find out my grade a week from today, which is the next time the class meets.

In other parts of my life things are not going as smoothly as my psychology test. I have been in a manic-like state for over a week now. I have not been sleeping much and have started many projects, but have not been able to follow through very well. My self-injury has been increasing recently. What the doctors would call my psychotic symptoms have also been increasing. The inside people are becoming more and more active as of late and I am beginning to seriously consider seeking out professional psychiatric help once again, despite my past experiences. I don’t want the disappointment of another doctor saying they cannot help me. That will just spiral me deeper. I am frightened.

My car is still being fritzy. My grandma is still nagging a lot, as much as ever. I still do not have internet at home. I am working on the internet thing, however. I have ordered Adelphia broadband internet service. I now need to get a cable line installed in my home and wait for the modem to arrive in the mail. There is much frustration here because the people at Adelphia have not been helpful. The operators I have spoken with all say they cannot do anything, that I must wait for the department that is responsible to call me. I got one phone call, a recorded message, saying please call when the same number once I have received the modem. No one will do anything until I receive the damn modem , but this is wasting time. They could install the line, or at least make an appointment to install the line before a package makes it through the postal service! I need the internet to complete my school assignments. There is a computer lab here on campus, but I have difficulty concentrating and some of the assignments require downloading or installing software that can not be done easily on public computers. You have to get the less-than-gracious staff member on duty to type in passwords and such, and many of the staff members do not even have the codes needed.

Once I do finally get back to having reliable internet I plan to audit my entire collection of nodes. I will rewrite or at least edit most of my write-ups, and finally have the time to search and compose factual write-ups, which actually helps me with my studying because it forces me to truly integrate the material into my crazy little brain and put it into my own words. It also helps my low self-esteem when I receive praise in the form of up-votes and my writing ability when I receive constructive criticism. I am also looking forward to having the ability to connect with people again. I am tired of being so lonely, especially in the dead of night when all my friends are sleeping, or at least should be. I hope to be nodding again soon! And I hope to chat again soon.

P.S. Is everyone having as much trouble with errors on this site as I am? I get an error about 9 times out of ten.

And now I return to doing the dreaded school assignments, despite the endless distractions…